sometimes it's good to have some failures. they keep you grounded, make you realise you have so much more to learn, and how dumb you really can be.
i've had a lot of things going well for me recently, and i think i'm getting a little complacent. gotta tone it down - i got a really outstanding performance review and have received good feedback the past couple of months, i've been told i'm really smart by these coworkers over and over and that i'm doing good work etc. really making me think i'm good.
and this week i've gotten myself invited to dinner with these much older coworkers, learnt so much from them regarding their experiences and their points of view and how they walk the political tightrope in the corporate world. one of the lady coworkers gave me really good advice - that we've got to observe and study the audience and cater to them in order to get what you want from them. for example, if someone has a super ego, you have to let them talk first, ask them for their opinion, and listen very carefully and sincerely.
i suddenly realised that the power of listening is so powerful, i should learn to use it more often and correctly with my friends, family and bf especially. i am too eager to talk and rant and get it all out and hear my own voice, when really i should be listening, observing and studying. i should also be willing to talk in a professional setting instead of being too passive. these guy coworkers i talk to - they are so aggressive and assertive, i feel the need to follow their suit. i think everyone has their own style, i'm going to sit tight and be humble and keep my eyes and mind wide open and learn as much as i can and listen. keep listening and observing.
and then i went and did something dumb, and said something thoughtlessly and really i was trying to make a joke, but it ended up sounding really racist. omg i didn't realise how insensitive i can be, growing up in singapore where we say things so bluntly and joke about each other's race/ethnicity without fear. it could just be my friends or my brother or even my bf's influence, but i realised that america is a very different country. they are super sensitive when it comes to things like race, religion, etc. we have to be careful what we say and how we say it, and whether to say it at all. we have to be careful to steer clear of stereotypes, and not fall into the trap of making racist jokes in front of colleagues (where it's not appropriate!)
now that i'm grown up and in the adult world, i can't be so insensitive anymore. i have to be smart about things, to be more prudent and tactful, to think before i speak, and think again before actually saying a word. all these jokes i want to make, i should save them for later with my friends or just throw them aside. you don't have to make them out in the open and embarrass yourself. sigh.
dumb me.
