The Fleeting Early Years

I was playing with my baby and had the thought that my time with him will be so fleeting. It’s not 18 years you get with your kids, it’s really only the first 10-12 years that your kids rely on you and want you around for everything. My baby is only 8 months old, but he already doesn’t want me to hold or hug him all the time, and he wants to crawl around and stand up on his own. But he’ll always turn to look for me and smile at me, like he’s saying, “Look mummy! I’m standing! Look at me!”.

I love how he keeps turning for me, that regardless of where I am in the room he’ll crawl to the closest spot to me and play there. He likes his independent play, but at the same time be near me for comfort and affection and love and attention. It’s so cute! And I wish I had that as a kid myself, then I wouldn’t feel as deprived of affection and attention as I do as an adult. I want things better for my baby.

It’s funny because as I’m thinking these things, my hubby shared this video with me.

It’s true - I think that as kids hit puberty, they generally don’t want parents around as much. This is probably an evolutionary instinct, as they need to learn to be independent and be ready to leave the care of their parents. Teens want their own freedom and independence to explore and try their own things. They want their own friends. They want to try dating, and parents end up being more like a hindrance or annoyance to them. They want to rebel against what parents tell them to do, as they need to learn for themselves to make mistakes, handle their own failures, then pick themselves back up again. I’ll strive to remember this as my baby gets older, no helicopter parenting!!

My goal is to become a friend and peer-like mentor to them at that stage, and be a steadfast anchor for my kids. I want to be the person they want to go to when they need comfort, love and affection, when they need acceptance of who they are regardless of what they did, and I’ll be there for them. Just be a safe harbor when they need help, have questions or want to cry or complain to someone. I’d like to think my years of volunteering as a mentor to high schoolers make me well equipped for the role of being a mom of teenagers 😅.

Till then, I want to treasure every moment I can with my baby. Before I know it, my baby will no longer want mummy anymore!

Benefits of Video Games

I knew that playing video games has its benefits, but couldn’t quite explain or quantify it. This presentation really laid it out clearly, and I learned some new things too! You can watch the video here (it’s a little long but you can listen to it at 2x speeds!).

I didn’t realize that video games can improve kids’ reading, and have them read at multiple grades above their level! The idea is that when a child is interested in the topic or game, they will take on the challenge to understand the text and to figure things out, even if it’s more difficult than their level of understanding.

They learn to build scientific models to figure out how to win at the game, and how to improve and get better. There are games that encourage learning new languages and interacting with other players across cultures and around the world. This is fascinating, and has been true of my experience playing different games in the past 20+ years (on console, PC, mobile, cards and board games).

Play is a great way to learn, and I’m glad to hear that games is a form of play that can help bring people together and improve. 

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I want my baby to learn to play games productively, to enjoy the process of learning and figuring things out! It would be so fun for the whole family to be bonding over games in the future (until he gets to be a moody teenager who wants nothing to do with his parents 😂). 

I’m also worried about him getting addicted or into the dark side of gaming, jeopardizing his mental health, his studies and social life. It is something that I think every parent worries about, and I don’t want to become the cliché of a close-minded parent not allowing games at all for my kids, building up resentment from them. That would be so hypocritical of me, since I’ve always loved playing games since I was 12!

I will have to think about how to inoculate him from the dangers of gaming addiction and playing with strangers, particularly when he’s still at a susceptible young age, and to set a good example for him to model in the future. Feel free to DM me if you have any ideas on how I can do that!

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Here’s a fun update on Overwatch - I’ve signed my team up for a tournament that started last night, and will continue through the next 7 weeks. We are excited to be playing different teams and being forced to learn and improve! But we are the lowest ranked team, and I can see that we will be losing many (if not all) the games in the future.

We are the underdogs, but the more we review our teamwork and gameplay, the better we will become. At the end of the day, we are the ones who stand to benefit most from this tournament! But it also means that as team captain and the unofficial grownup / mentor of the team, I need to make sure that we don’t crumble under pressure or succumb to negative self-talk that causes us to lose sight of our goal. 

Our goal is to practice and improve, not necessarily to win. If we do happen to win along the way, great! But that’s not the point. We are a new team and have a looong way to go to get better. Wish us luck!

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Reflecting on my past 2+ months as captain for the organized team in Overwatch, I found myself really enjoying mentoring others on the team. Even though I’m not very good at the game, I’m the oldest and I have seen a lot more in life. Since my team is all girls and mostly aged 18-22, I realize how vulnerable and sensitive they are, and also insecure or anxious as well. I felt the same way at their age, and I still do now that I’m older, but I’ve just become better at self-talk and self-soothing, to take a step back and take the big picture perspective.

Some games (including Overwatch) are like a sport, where you can review your gameplay, get coaching, and focus on your mistakes to do better. You learn how to handle disappointment from losing, and then persistence in trying again and again in order to win. This mentality is so crucial to a good life, to building positive psychology and mental resilience, as our kids will always be faced with setbacks and challenges in life. They need to learn how to handle them on their own, as us parents won’t be around to help them all the time. In fact, when they become teens, the point is for them to figure out their own identity to be separate from us, and so my kids will probably not want my help at that point.

As I’m helping my teammates with a positive mentality, I feel like I’m teaching this skill of how to build resilience in their mindset to handle failure. At the same time, I’m practicing it myself - the more you teach others a skill, the better at the skill you become. It calms me down when I help others, and I’ve found that it’s such a win-win situation to do that in order to help me stay focused on learning and improving as well.

It’s funny that I’ve found myself in a leadership role inadvertently again, but I’ve grown so much in the past decade that I actually enjoy being a leader. Compared to the young introverted me, lacking in confidence back in high school and college, I’ve really grown into my own. I feel so proud, so lucky and grateful to have turned out who I am today. That all the struggles and work put in over the years are paying off.