About family - I want to communicate better

Like most Asian families, my family is conflict avoidant, so we never talk about anything deep or contentious. We are also bad with expressing feelings to each other. While I have some resentment with the way they used to try to control me, I think I’m getting to a point where I can be at peace with it.

They still want to play a role in my life, still be a parent to me, still have some say in decision making, some control. But they also recognize I’m an adult and can make my own choices now, which I really appreciate. I think things are getting better, though we’re still not talking about the things that matter.

I really have to remind myself, next time I feel triggered or controlled or frustrated:

• Breathe and count to 5
• Remember they love you, and this is how they express love
• Remember they need to feel loved and needed, so I should recognize it and tell them that I love them, that they are good parents. Validate them and appreciate them, so then they will listen to why you don’t want to do what they’re saying (e.g, I know you love me, you’re worried about me and care about me, so you want to protect me. However I am an adult and prefer doing it this way, so I hope you’ll respect that. Remember that I love you, and you’re still a good parent in my eyes)
• Set expectations and boundaries for what is ok for them to say or do vs not (e.g, that’s not ok to say, I feel hurt, I know you want me to do this but that’s not ok with me)
• Let them know what a successful parent means - it doesn’t mean they can help or do anything for me, all I want is for them to be there for me and support me through my choices, that’s good enough. I want them to trust me 

Now I need to figure out HOW exactly to say all this in Chinese, while not being triggered lol. And that’s not even the hardest part - it would be getting over my own discomfort and awkwardness of addressing this head on, when all our lives we’ve lived by the philosophy of keeping up harmony by avoiding hard topics.

Friends, if you’ve done this before with your loved ones, definitely let me know! Would love to get some pro tips on difficult conversations with family, plus points if it’s in Chinese 😉