ok im getting on quite well with stess. im looking forward to end of year. as in all exams for the yr to be over. i realised being in ip isn't less stressful. instead, it's worse bcos we have more exams and these exams MATTER. without o levels our normal daily lives are HELL. ok not that bad. at least i've survived ^^
just finished geog test today. and got past the horrors of first two weeks of term 4. next up is french eoy this fri, then all the way to the eoys in week 6. by then im sure every other sch has finished eoys and are celebrating alrd T.T while we poor girls still struggle.
pfft. soon. counting down to 27 days later. when eoys are officially over.
oh i should be counting down to my grade 8 piano exam results too. my fren got it back, and guess what? she passed and passed by 17 marks. she said she screwed up. right like i believe. heh she's PRO la. wonder what her screw up was. sigh wishing and hoping for a miracle to happen.
do miracles ever happen?
Monday, September 25, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
breaking point
everyone has a breaking point.
for me, perhaps that was it.
the last straw happened, and everything just came crashing down. the tears just came, and everything that made me happy was diminished to the unknown depths of my mind. shouldn't tears have limits? no, tears still came when i thought there were none left.
where did my optimism go? my usual cheerful self that i display when im in front of ppl?
no i have had enough of pretense. i couldn't take it anymore. it was just too much for me to take it. what "it" is, i have no idea. i don't noe, and i can't be bothered to know anymore. i just noe that im very very tired of trying, striving and going for things when even if i do get it, they are nv what i really wanted in the first place.
i go through much troubles, trying to overcome all the obstacles, and yes i do overcome them. i achieve my goals, but they were nv my intended goals really. it was always changed a little, but well it was cause for happiness all the same.
was.
now i don't noe how to feel. i think it might have been the weather...it was simply too cold and gloomy. i shut myself in my room and sat on my bed in darkness, listening to my mp3 and trying to sing along. it helped a bit, and it helped clear my mind.
i could slowly think through everything and decide.
i have decided that i will not fall. i will not give up. this is just how things happen, and i have to learn to deal with it. whether i like it or not.
im going to prove that i have a high pain threshold. i noe i have a super low one, and i can't stand pain, can't stand blood. but now im going to DEVELOP one even if im not. and i shall try to learn to be ambidextrous. though im sure i won't achieve this goal yet again. my injury isn't serious enough.
mind you, don't ever shake my hand ok. it hurts like hell when u squeeze or shake my hand. esp ppl who love to do that squeezing thing that hurts a lottt even without injury.
i can't move my finger without hurting. i can't make use of that muscle without hurting. i can't play the piano without hurting. and in every single piece, i have to use that finger and stretch like siao for about, 100 times in total? not forgetting the scales? where u have to stretch until ur fingers are going to break?
im just going to try my best and i'll tell the examiner. i won't cry bcos of this pain, i don't care. im going to be able to bear this pain and stop being such a spoilsport. whether im going to fail or not, i'll just accept it. exams don't matter that much to me anymore. i just hope that this will recover soon, i miss playing the piano properly...it better not be permanant...
ysc was fun. loads of things were fun. court shoes were torture, blazers were suffocating, and ties were strangling. but they really make u look pro, and i felt pro. it was a wonderfully great experience, and we got merit award! unexpectedly. can't wait for ssef next yr. i so <3 our poster!
blaming. regrets. despair. i hate myself for all that. can't i just forget about all that and focus on what i should do? it's just all my bad points appearing at the same time, the hot-headedness, the stubbornness, the selfishness, the depressingness parts of myself all coming out at the same time. there's more, i can't think of, but comeon! cheer up! it's not the end of the world!
yeah i noe it's not the end of the world. even now, i believe that this wasn't the real breaking point. it's not serious enough to be one. it just felt like one then...but now, perhaps it was just a break i needed to take. there's still a long way to go, and im still young. undoubtedly, more troubles will come, and not to worry. i'll stand fast and overcome them one by one, albeit any breaks i need to take to move on.
yep. anything is possible as long as you are still alive. anything is possible as long as there's still that shimmer of hope, that bubble of hope. yeah?
for me, perhaps that was it.
the last straw happened, and everything just came crashing down. the tears just came, and everything that made me happy was diminished to the unknown depths of my mind. shouldn't tears have limits? no, tears still came when i thought there were none left.
where did my optimism go? my usual cheerful self that i display when im in front of ppl?
no i have had enough of pretense. i couldn't take it anymore. it was just too much for me to take it. what "it" is, i have no idea. i don't noe, and i can't be bothered to know anymore. i just noe that im very very tired of trying, striving and going for things when even if i do get it, they are nv what i really wanted in the first place.
i go through much troubles, trying to overcome all the obstacles, and yes i do overcome them. i achieve my goals, but they were nv my intended goals really. it was always changed a little, but well it was cause for happiness all the same.
was.
now i don't noe how to feel. i think it might have been the weather...it was simply too cold and gloomy. i shut myself in my room and sat on my bed in darkness, listening to my mp3 and trying to sing along. it helped a bit, and it helped clear my mind.
i could slowly think through everything and decide.
i have decided that i will not fall. i will not give up. this is just how things happen, and i have to learn to deal with it. whether i like it or not.
im going to prove that i have a high pain threshold. i noe i have a super low one, and i can't stand pain, can't stand blood. but now im going to DEVELOP one even if im not. and i shall try to learn to be ambidextrous. though im sure i won't achieve this goal yet again. my injury isn't serious enough.
mind you, don't ever shake my hand ok. it hurts like hell when u squeeze or shake my hand. esp ppl who love to do that squeezing thing that hurts a lottt even without injury.
i can't move my finger without hurting. i can't make use of that muscle without hurting. i can't play the piano without hurting. and in every single piece, i have to use that finger and stretch like siao for about, 100 times in total? not forgetting the scales? where u have to stretch until ur fingers are going to break?
im just going to try my best and i'll tell the examiner. i won't cry bcos of this pain, i don't care. im going to be able to bear this pain and stop being such a spoilsport. whether im going to fail or not, i'll just accept it. exams don't matter that much to me anymore. i just hope that this will recover soon, i miss playing the piano properly...it better not be permanant...
ysc was fun. loads of things were fun. court shoes were torture, blazers were suffocating, and ties were strangling. but they really make u look pro, and i felt pro. it was a wonderfully great experience, and we got merit award! unexpectedly. can't wait for ssef next yr. i so <3 our poster!
blaming. regrets. despair. i hate myself for all that. can't i just forget about all that and focus on what i should do? it's just all my bad points appearing at the same time, the hot-headedness, the stubbornness, the selfishness, the depressingness parts of myself all coming out at the same time. there's more, i can't think of, but comeon! cheer up! it's not the end of the world!
yeah i noe it's not the end of the world. even now, i believe that this wasn't the real breaking point. it's not serious enough to be one. it just felt like one then...but now, perhaps it was just a break i needed to take. there's still a long way to go, and im still young. undoubtedly, more troubles will come, and not to worry. i'll stand fast and overcome them one by one, albeit any breaks i need to take to move on.
yep. anything is possible as long as you are still alive. anything is possible as long as there's still that shimmer of hope, that bubble of hope. yeah?
Sunday, September 10, 2006
enough is enough
as you grow older, you find yourself bombarded with many many things. many unexpected things.
you just have to learn to deal with it.
and you learn.
hopefully, you don't give up, then you'll learn.
for me, i think i have grown more mature over the years in rgs. i think im super stressed up, but this forces me to learn.
here are the things coming up:
math test = this wed
show and share -REMEMBER FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!- = this wed
ysc = this sat
deadline for ss pt
chem pt
and physics pt = week 2
piano exam = week 2 tuesday
geog test = week 3 monday
french eoy week 3 friday
eoys = week 6
and countless other unnamed stuff.
im going to be real busy this coming weekend.
just hope im not falling sick. i am getting headaches whenever i think hard about something and get focused, ie. when i do homework, pt, and generally anything stressful.
like my stressful life isn't stressed enough, i have yet more problems. but i can settle them, right? yes im sure i can.
even piano has let me down. i can only take comfort in songs. singing. singing has let me down b4, and since then im afraid of it. but no choice. singing is still my love. <3
ahh such a crappy post. i don't blog much, and when i do, it's when i want to organise my thoughts i guess. whoever is reading this must be 满头雾水 by now. forgive me. im sorry.
you just have to learn to deal with it.
and you learn.
hopefully, you don't give up, then you'll learn.
for me, i think i have grown more mature over the years in rgs. i think im super stressed up, but this forces me to learn.
here are the things coming up:
show and share -REMEMBER FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!- = this wed
ysc = this sat
deadline for ss pt
chem pt
and physics pt = week 2
piano exam = week 2 tuesday
geog test = week 3 monday
french eoy week 3 friday
eoys = week 6
and countless other unnamed stuff.
im going to be real busy this coming weekend.
just hope im not falling sick. i am getting headaches whenever i think hard about something and get focused, ie. when i do homework, pt, and generally anything stressful.
like my stressful life isn't stressed enough, i have yet more problems. but i can settle them, right? yes im sure i can.
even piano has let me down. i can only take comfort in songs. singing. singing has let me down b4, and since then im afraid of it. but no choice. singing is still my love. <3
ahh such a crappy post. i don't blog much, and when i do, it's when i want to organise my thoughts i guess. whoever is reading this must be 满头雾水 by now. forgive me. im sorry.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)