this is a #notsohumblebrag post - but someone nominated me for a beauty pageant in singapore! I feel completely floored that people think of me as someone who would be in a beauty contest, not to mention actually do well in it! I've always been seen as the nerdy person, not the brainless bimbo...so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. I'm going to see it as a good thing - they think of me as a brainy beauty!
If I were in sg I would totally go for it, just for the experience and to find out if the stereotypes are true - all the catfights/backstabbing/stress to look pretty and skinny, or if everyone's really nice and all about the sisterhood. I would definitely fail terribly at it but at least it would be a once in a lifetime experience no? xD
As I thought about it, I had another terrifying thought - the other contestants would make me feel like I'm too fat, I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough, I'm too dumb, etc. It wouldn't be a confidence booster, but rather it would be a confidence destroyer! Knowing my confidence issues, this would definitely challenge my self-identity and how I see myself...
Given that my mum always says to me: aiyo why you turned so dark again! why are you so fat! etc, I have a constant image of what an asian lady should look like i.e. not quite like me. Ideally I should be skinny and tall (or small and short and cute) and super fair and THEN I can get married and have lots of babies or something. oh gosh the ephemeral and unattainable image of success. #asianparents
Oh well. I shall continue to strive towards my own definition of success, to continually grow and learn without my self-identity being affected by what others think of me.
