rantish mood?

i feel uneasy. unhappy. helpless to do anything about it because i can't figure out why.

am i jealous? or just unhappy? or moody? or it's just lack of sleep? i wish for things i can't have, maybe that's why.

i hate being unhappy and moody like this, especially when i don't know why, so i can't go about solving it. so irritated. sigh.

maybe i should have raised it, but what to say? when i myself have no idea what's really wrong? i hear something and i make assumptions and i see it in a totally different way from him. i understand what he sees, but only to a small extent. i cannot make any further assumptions with further knowledge, but i don't know how far to probe or ask. and so i'm stuck. back to square one. can't say for sure why we see things differently in this case, or how to communicate that unhappiness.

argh.

i do like travelling alone, but it gets lonely and inconvenient at times. so what i have now is partially good, where i travel with another friend and we split up when we need to, but otherwise we get company and help from each other. i try my best not to feel guilty about ignoring the friend at times though, because it's tiring to always look out for the other and try my best to keep the other person occupied or entertained. it's tiring. sometimes i just want my own private time to do my own thing and hang around. hmph.

loving cress so far. can't wait to get to the end.