great article on how to be masters of love + psychological tools

i came across this article on how to maintain a relationship long-term and keep a happy marriage. i realise it's so true! i should "turn toward" my bf/husband more and respond kindly and enthusiastically when they're looking for respect and appreciation.

i should keep this in mind, esp when i'm feeling depressed or upset and angry, and not be so mean and sharp or destructive to my bf next time.

we just celebrated our one year anniversary a week ago, i'm renewing my feelings of affection and happiness and love with him. it's quite amazing how honey-mooney i still feel even though it's been a year. wow i think it's really the cycles of kindness and generosity that is keeping this going so well - my bf is great at caring for me and showing me appreciation and kindness, which makes me want to reciprocate and this forms a virtuous circle, as he loves to say.

:D

also, i learnt about a bunch of psychological traps that go on in our everyday lives and in negotiations that we often fall into over my year of master's. but also in a bunch of books and again in the negotiation class i'm taking online on coursera. the professor recommended a checklist that we can pull out and go over regularly to make sure we are not falling into these traps when making decisions, so here it is! hope this will help me remember and help others too!

1. Mythical Fixed Pie Assumption (remember, you can expand the pie and get win-win!)
2. Anchoring (are you anchored to certain numbers? check the facts)
3. Overconfidence (aren't you being too confident? check your assumptions)
4. Framing (reframe it. think from the other person's perspective, what does he want?)
5. Availability (aren't you clamping on the first thing that comes to mind? question it)
6. Escalation (avoid the competition threat and publicity. it's all psychology. think objectively)
7. Reciprocation (are you reciprocating because they are doing good to you?)
8. Contrast Principle (it's all about comparison and contrast. does this look good only because you are comparing it to something much worse?)
9. Big-Picture Perspective: Don’t get lost in the details (oh yes the gorilla test. see the big picture man https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGQmdoK_ZfY)

especially useful in helping us reframe problems and also to get what we want in negotiations. kokoko.