Reflecting on Minor Feelings

I just finished this book called “Minor Feelings” by Cathy Park Hong, who is a Korean American writer and poet. The book is a collection of essays where she explores her Asian American identity, feelings of shame and depression, dynamics with her female artistic friends, and about her family. 

In the first half of the book, I didn’t really like it. The writing was really good, very poetic and beautifully written, almost too difficult for me to understand with all her big words and strong stances. It’s the kind of book that is meant to be hard to read, that is provocative and pushed you out of your comfort zone. It’s meant to make you reflect and think about the issues that Asians face in America, and evoke emotions, make you want to DO something about it. 

It was weird, and indeed it made me feel uncomfortable reading it. All I wanted was some easy reading, and I didn’t want to do any work on myself or around the topics. I didn’t quite relate to some of her issues as I grew up as part of the Chinese majority in Singapore, with all the privileges associated with it. Even though now I experience some of the issues as an immigrant Asian in the US, even as I can understand and empathize, it still feels somewhat foreign. I also didn’t relate to the artistic or activist sentiments that Cathy felt strongly about, I’m all for peace and comfort - somehow her provocative stance offended my sensibilities. It makes me want to say - not my problem - and move on.

It wasn’t until the last essay that her story resonated very strongly with me. She wrote about how the US had not treated Asians or other non-white groups fairly in its history, and still doesn’t in many ways. It reminded me of why I came here in the first place, with my naive, stereotypical belief in the American dream of freedom and land of opportunity. It feels like a betrayal to me (and my family) that I chose this country over my home country, this very country that didn’t seem to value my Asian or immigrant identities. While I’m grateful for all the opportunities I’ve received here, it doesn’t condone all the wrongs that the US has done against Asians. 

Cathy wrote about the Japanese Americans placed in internment camps, about the Vietnam War, about the US’ involvement in splitting up Korea into the North and South, and other atrocities that were committed against Asians. She showed how Asian artists were treated differently than white artists, not just in the artistic sphere but also in daily life.

Her writing was so provocative and full of feeling that it made me tear up and cry, finally. In the last 15 pages, I bawled and cried my eyes out as I deplored the difficulties Asian Americans had to face. It’s a terrible dilemma as this is the country Asian Americans call home, it’s where they’re born and raised. It was eye opening and I finally let myself sit with the discomfort and explore it within myself, truly reflect on how and why it’s making me feel bad. It made me really think hard about why I’m choosing the US as my home instead of my home country. Am I making the right choice?

I think every country has their own issues and things that we won’t like, we need to be able to live with the good and bad but also want to make a difference. Minor Feelings succeeded in making a statement to advocate for non-white rights, simply by showing me how it was like for non-white Americans throughout history and today. 

It’s the first time I had cried at a book like this, simply because of eloquent and evocative language. I’m really amazed at how a book has been able to overcome my defenses both subtly and explicitly, all just through words and stories. It’s the first time I’ve experienced how a well written prose can make such a difference, that it can effect change in people.

I’d highly recommend it for all Asian Americans, but also my friends who want to understand the conflicting identities of being both Asian and American. Maybe you will go through a revelatory experience the way I did.