Bruiser’s Death Anniversary

Today marks the day that Bruiser passed a year ago. Google Photos showed me photo memories of what happened on this day in past years, and it showed me pictures of Bruiser on his last day. 

Tears well up in my eyes, as I remember what happened leading up to his death. My heart aches for our beloved dog and how he’d suffered. Now that I’ve interacted with more dogs and have a better idea of how they behave, I wished I had more time with Bruiser, that I’d known him earlier.

I only got to know him in his last 2 years of life, when he’s considered an old dog. I wish I’d known him when he was young and energetic. I wish I’d known him at a point where I’ve become more comfortable with dogs, so I wouldn’t be afraid of playing with him. 

If I’d known I would feel this way now, would I have done anything differently? The irony is that it was only because of Bruiser that I’d learned to be more comfortable with dogs, to be less afraid. Bruiser’s changed me so much, that the me now couldn’t have existed without him.

He’s the best, most well behaved, loving and caring dog I’ve ever met. He’s possibly the best dog I ever will meet. 

This was my first real encounter with death, grief and loss. I miss him, much more than I thought I would. Even though it’s been a year, I still think of him from time to time. When I see other shibas or when I play with other dogs, I think of Bruiser. I bring him up with my bf once in a while. I see his pictures on the Google Home Screen and I reminisce, I smile. Bruiser shall always have a little place in my heart. 

I wonder if I’ll continue to remember him when I see shibas or dogs that look like him. I wonder if I’ll always remember this day, June 26. I wonder if I’ll still cry in the years to come, if the ache lessens year after year, if it eventually fades. 

One year on, Bruiser continues to teach me long after he’s gone. He’s teaching me patience, love, and how to mourn. He’s giving me the chance to observe my own feelings of loss and how I react to them, to my thoughts of him, to his pictures. He’s making me learn the value of memories and nostalgia, and my longing to have known him younger and pain free. He’s teaching me to see dogs in a very different light.

He’s teaching me to see life in a very different light.

Wherever he is, I hope he’s resting in peace.