sexting, shame and suicide

ok i read this (pretty long) article on sexting, shame and suicide, and i couldn't tear my mind off of it. even when i went to bed i kept tossing and turning, and didn't fall asleep until at least another hour or two later. it's been a while since something has kept me up like this, and i figured it must be because of my unexpressed feelings of shock, fear, anger and concern all at once. hence i must blog and rant about this.

if you haven't already done so, take a look at the article so you'll have an idea what i'm talking about.

first, i felt so much from audrie's life. she was popular yet she's always feel like she's being bullied. a girl at the age of 15 must be so self-conscious and always wanting recognition and to seem cool in front of her girlfriends and in front of the boys. she must feel like the world is centered on her, focusing on her, and she is always in the spotlight. however, because she got drunk at a party where everyone else got drunk too, and the guys just stripped her and drew all over her body with markers, then took photos AND shared them, it drove her to suicide.

now i know this isn't the only reason she decided to commit suicide, but this was definitely a huge factor. being accused of something supremely shameful and shocking without remembering what actually happened must make things a lot worse for her. the fact that she didn't know exactly what happened would drive her to imagine wildly beyond what reality could be. to her, the issue has blown out of proportion and her reputation was gone without repair and life was over. she could never go to school and face her friends the same way again, she believed that everyone at school had seen her naked photos and if they hadn't, they would at least have heard of it.

worse still, her best friend turned her back on her:

Then Kathy Atabakhsh, one of her best friends, tore into her on the school quad, accusing her of drinking, of forgetting who she was, of becoming a different person. "She had been, literally, the best person you could meet – always honest and trustworthy," Kathy says, recalling the episode almost a year later. "And I was so upset that she had changed. It was hard for her to hear that from a close friend." She remembers the last words she said to Audrie. "You need to come back to reality," Kathy told her.

Kathy was just feeling upset and telling audrie off because she couldn't believe what she was like drunk at the party, but it made audrie feel so hurt and upset that another pillar of her world came crashing down upon her. with the knowledge that i have now, i know that kathy should have been more supportive and sensitive, especially when audrie has been going through so much at that point. instead of telling her off, kathy should have supported her and comforted her, helping her through it but more importantly, show that she is on audrie's side no matter what.

unfortunately, as teenagers we tend to be impulsive and we jump to conclusions. we react so readily, we do not think of consequences of our actions, and we end up making mistakes that we regret.

another thing that i felt so strongly about - how could those boys be so MEAN! omg i knew guys like playing pranks and acting cool, and when they pull off something like this they want to show off and share it with others. they even think it must be the coolest thing ever to be able to push past the privacy boundaries of a popular girl. but seriously. have they thought about the consequences of their actions? not just what would happen to them if they got caught, but more about what would happen to audrie? to her family? to the school's reputation? to audrie's friends?

it is not just childish, it's downright mean and terrible. no matter how much they want to justify it as an misguided but innocent prank, i cannot believe that they have been brought up to think that way. what kind of school culture encourages such things to happen and turn a blind eye to it? what kind of family upbringing must these guys have to think it is ok to violate girls' privacy? what kind of culture is there in that neighborhood that is encouraging such things to happen?!

i thought that in a smart and rich neighborhood like in saratoga, where their families and parents should be well educated, the kids should also have better EQ! in saratoga high school, it seems like the students there are smart people who will grow up to go to good universities. are these boys the kind of people we want to be leading the country in the future? to be our future silicon valley entrepreneurs and engineers? even though they may have good abilities and are outstanding, their ethics and moral values here are severely distorted, and i just cannot believe how these boys have acted so insensitively.

i do understand that for us, even back home in singapore, such things happen and it can happen regardless of education level, culture and even upbringing. i remember being told about a story of a bunch of primary school kids at a boy's place, and the boy told his girl classmate that his bathroom door cannot be locked and showed her how it's spoilt, then when she was using the toilet he and his friend opened the door to check if she really didn't lock the door. that was really mean and i was super shocked, even though they were only primary school kids and didn't really understand how embarrassing and shameful it would be for the girl. it was an active willful act of shaming, and it is plain wrong and they should have been taught so.

back to the article. the crucial value to be taught here is empathy and understanding of the opposite gender. schools have to ensure that children are brought up to think for other people, and to do to others what you want others to do to you. would they want to be "played a prank on" like that? would you?

it is not just the shame of a private event of sexual violation happening here, it was made public with photos and the Internet, and that just makes a traumatic experience magnified and put under the microscope for everyone to scrutinize, discuss, gossip and enjoy as entertainment. it is very unfair to the victim, and it really reflects badly on the people who have contributed to this. this is not just the boys, but also everyone at the party, even kathy who left her at the party and all the people who saw the photos and didn't want to call out the boys on it or to give support to audrie.

i think the girls who heard about it or saw it would have felt sympathetic and sorry for audrie, but they wouldn't say so because they would get dragged down along with her. they were just too relieved that it wasn't them, and maybe they even thought audrie deserved it. there would be some who simply hated her and wanted her to suffer, and maybe even rejoiced in the fact that retribution has its own ways.

still, this is no justification to accept such an atrocity. if i have my own kids, i have to make sure to instill in them such values that not only we should learn to respect people of the opposite gender and their bodies and their private space, but also to always judge our actions and consequences based on whether we would want the same thing to be done to us. school education should always teach about gender differences and how to deal with kids of different sexuality, and especially on their bodies and what is appropriate and what is not.

lastly, we should also educate our children that suicide is not the only way out. even when something so horrifying and terrible happens, they must understand that they are empowered and they can take back control by reporting those kids, or at least telling their parents about it. there is always counseling help, or she could have moved to another school. the important thing here is that she should have sought help before giving up on herself and her life, because this just leaves unanswered questions and many "what-if"s.

the mexican drug lord lifestyle, jokes and scary thoughts

a couple of interesting articles i read today:

1. came across this today, and it is so interesting it blows my mind. so i had to blogpost this so i will remember it forever more.

This article here shows the photos of what was found in a mexican drug lord's house, and it's amazing. it's like right out of a movie. a white tiger seriously?

and i wonder if the hot tub in a cave was natural or man-made haha...

2. I also found 20 jokes that apparently only intellectuals understand. consider i understand almost all of them, i guess i'm one of them :D

3. regarding the malaysian airlines disappearance, it is kind of creepy. this article highlights six important facts they don't tell you about the airplane, and the conclusion is that either the airplane vanished or the debris is just not yet found (it's outside of the search area).

if the debris isn't found, it is a lot more chilling and terrifying considering it could be some kind of advanced technology that can "pluck airplanes out of the sky without leaving behind even a shred of evidence."

If there does exist a weapon with such capabilities, whoever controls it already has the ability to dominate all of Earth's nations with a fearsome military weapon of unimaginable power. That thought is a lot more scary than the idea of an aircraft suffering a fatal mechanical failure.

that is sure scary.

interesting articles

came across this. didn't know myspace is still alive and kicking lol! and i'm jealous! i'd love to be jennifer lawrence's date too!

so this is how it's like at the oscars/in hollywood/entertainment industry!
https://myspace.com/discover/editorial/2014/3/4/feature-i-went-to-the-oscars-with-my-best-friend-and-then-i-went-viral 

i also love viddsee videos, they are so insightful and quirky, and best of all, they are all based in asia! lots of singapore/malaysian videos, and really reminds me of  home :)

there's one about an autistic guy that i found really touching, and i'll always remember it:
http://www.viddsee.com/video/guang/nmo7y

thoughts go out to my friend kylie

Reading this article about my fellow friend Kylie, I was stunned. http://www.dailycal.org/2014/03/03/love-thy-sister/

How could this be happening in the most liberal campus I know of, at UC Berkeley in the heart of political freedom and LGBTQ communities? I never knew all that she was undergoing, and if only I knew how to help back then.

I admit that I was surprised when I first saw Kylie bringing her girlfriend to a dinner gathering among singaporeans sometime 1 or 2 years back, but it passed over really quickly. I was happy for her and while it came as a surprise, it affected me a lot less than I thought. Kylie was still who she was, and I had no real reason to judge her for her choices.

Interestingly, I never knew how LGBT christians reconciled their faith and their sexual orientation, and now I guess I have a better idea about it. It's definitely a touchy topic, and it's difficult for both the national board and the Berkeley chapter, as well as for the couple themselves.

How can you weigh what is right or wrong?

monologue

i highly recommend this book Difficult Conversations. It's changing my life so much now, and i'm learning much more about myself and how i interact with others. it's especially pertinent when you have to deal with unexpected things and issues you never thought you'd care so much about. when you have to deal with people. when you have to negotiate salaries, resolve disputes, resolving difficult internal issues you have with yourself. 

here goes a lengthy monologue. ignore if you're bored, but they are some issues i've been questioning about and by typing it up, it's making things clearer for myself. they're pretty private too, so i'm hoping only my target guy will be reading this...

about the crying, i didn't realize how i was making you feel everytime i cry. i never asked you, because when i cry i'm being self-absorbed and i can't hear anything anyone says unless it is filtered to my own pre-conceptions. when i cry i think i'm a loser and i'm hopeless and helpless and i've made mistakes and you've made mistakes and i hate everyone and everything in the world. if you scold me more, it reinforces my ideas and i cry more in self-pity, but if you compliment me and say it's ok i cry more because i think it's not true and you are just thinking i'm that wonderful good person. so there's no real solution to my crying because my brain filters everything out according to what i believe.

i need to recognize that a lot of things are out of my control and it's ok for me to be unhappy or upset, but i should learn to see the other side of the conversation. i should learn to see how i'm making you feel, how you feel devastated and how you feel helpless that you can't stop my crying and seems like no matter what you do, it just makes me feel worse. you feel like it's your fault for making me cry, and i reinforce that because i don't want to admit to myself i'm a crybaby, that i cry all the time for seemingly inane and useless reasons.

yesterday, when you finally burst and told me you hate it too, you feel devastated each time i cry, something changed in me. you broke through my insulated bubble and reached me. for the first time, i truly heard you. i think the only times i listen to you more carefully is when you tell me you have problems too, that you are upset too. i absorb it all like a drowning person reaching for air, because i need it to anchor myself. because you are feeling what i'm feeling and i can best empathize when you are in a similar state of mind as me. and you seem to be living well and you aren't crying or anything, and it gives me new motivation and a new focus. to draw attention away from me, myself and i, and instead to focus on a new problem, a new person. that's what anchors me to life and sanity. to happiness.

now i have a new motivation to not want to cry. other than my identity issues which are encouraging me to stop crying because i don't want to be a crybaby, i don't want to be a bad person who makes others feel bad, i don't want to be a bad girlfriend, i don't want to be an immature girl who only knows how to cry to solve problems. i don't want to look ignorant and stupid, i don't want to look incompetent and all i can do is cry and wait for you to help me. but when i cry, i am giving you the lifeline to pull me up. i am also trying to warn you against recreating similar scenarios (ie. avoid the contributions that lead to my crying), but it isn't obvious and it isn't the right way to do this. now my new motivation shall be for you, for our relationship. i will try my best to communicate how helpless i feel,  how terrible this seems to me, how it is impacting how i see myself and my identity. i will do my best to tell you everything.

i need to learn that it is ok to make mistakes, it is ok to cry even if i think that is a horrible mistake and should never have been a feature of human race, even if i hate it and how it screws up my eyes and my emotions and gets me all puffy and riled up. crying is a form of release, and i must learn to let go instead of dwelling more on it and forcing solutions immediately. everything takes time, and crying is only one way. i need to focus more on the other ways to slowly change myself and others and the ways i go about doing things so i can feel better about it. so that you can feel better about it.

happy valentine's day! :)

Ahh...it's the first valentine's day i've ever celebrated, what a memorable day indeed! so happy :D

I prepared a small card with an origami heart, made nama dark chocolates (first time making it, and i forgot the rum T.T), and presented a really terrible rendition of "drowning" by backstreet boys on guitar. seriously, it would have sounded better if i simply used instrumentals and sung instead, but i guessed it's a lot more meaningful if i tried hard to learn this relatively new instrument and played a song on it while singing. he liked it though, so all is well and good :)

on the other hand, i received hand-made tiramisu, prepared lovingly over 6 hours (which includes 1.5hours of non-stop mixing because he lacked a whisk), and a delicious home-cooked dinner! he also gave me a necklace of seratonin, which is the hormone that promotes joy, so he claims it's my name in molecular terms. quite cool, and now i shall wear it everywhere and all the time! :D

i love the box it came in though, it's so pretty and is my favorite shades of pink and purple, and it says "made with love". so happy-making! ^^

Photo of the seratonin necklace with the box

i realize it's not what we give each other that matters, but rather the effort and thought that went into it. i really much preferred these gifts to a typical flowers and dinner thing because they don't last (though those would be nice too). the fat that the tiramisu is piling on me does last though xD

ahh life is good, and i can't wait to see what surprise he springs on me next! ^^

p.s. came across this article online, and was really inspired by the vows. those are things i'm seeing right now with him, so i'd love to keep it up. if i lose my way in the future, it's something great i can refer to.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/samantha-joel/ten-wedding-vows-based-on_b_4762318.html

childhood reminices

recently i was just talking with my friends about our childhood, and i remembered i used to have a very vivid imagination. i would dream up all kinds of stories, pretty much one a day or so, and even act out some of them. usually they involved princesses and princes and heros and heroines. a few days ago, i went home and dug out my collection of childhood scribbles.

turns out i actually wrote a story back when i was 10. i remember that i decided i shall finally write down one of my exciting imaginings, and write my first novel! i was really excited and wrote furiously, and i added random comments in brackets along the way and random afterthoughts too. i included all the vocabulary i picked up from books i've read and from school, and it was done! unfortunately, it was only like 7 pages long, hardly enough to warrant a novel.

i thought it was really long back then, and so i realised it's not so easy to write a novel, no way i can write another 300 pages!!! so i decided i didn't like writing and i could never become an author (yes not even fanfiction!)

i think blogging is the most i can do hmm.

by the way, i was really into teenage romance back then, so my story had a lot of romancey stuff that i didn't really understand as a kid. for example, i didn't know what 'embraced' meant, though i thought it meant something like hugging and kissing, i just put in another 'hugged' just in case xD

and yes the thing is i didn't have a computer or internet then, so all i could use was from memory/books/TV and i had to handwrite everything which made writing seem so long and bothersome haha. so ok here's the story: and please don't laugh. too much. :D 

and please pardon the terrible grammar errors and spelling mistakes, everytime i read it i feel so tempted to edit it, but no i cannot. i have to preserve the integrity of my childhood writing, and always remember how a kid once wrote.

my favorite part: "super-duper-waterproof-soundproof-fireproof-biteproof-poisonproof-monsterproof-electricproof-xx-yy-zz-black cloak!" i tried to include everything i could think of, and xx-yy-zz for anything else i missed out. haha yes that's exactly how a kid writes xD

i was really creative as a child right?? i'm really surprised when i discovered this story, never knew i had it in me to write anything more than school required xD also this story somehow seems more like a 3rd book in a trilogy. there should probably be a 1st and 2nd book involving how Wendy met Frankie, how they ended up together, and also how Mum and Dad divorced and stuff. maybe should have a love triangle between Wendy, Frankie and some other guy. or girl. or heck just make it a love pentagon as YA novels tend to have.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

i also wanted to be an actress, and i had all kinds of movie storylines, so i decided to write down in a script for my perfect movie opening. unfortunately, this ended up even worse...i wrote only 2 pages when i realised it took so much effort to write in the setting, the thoughts, the many character movements in addition to the dialogue in a script. so yes i gave up haha. here it is:

i also watched many gameshows as a kid, and i really liked asking trivia questions and stuff. so i came up with many sets of "Who wants to be a millionaire" questions, and wrote down all the trivia i saw on TV and stuff i learnt in school (mostly primary school science, if you actually notice). so yes a lot of the trivia are very trivial and stupid, but i'm still glad to know i had this kind of childhood memory from back then.

i remember i always bugged my parents and my brother to answer these questions, and i would delight in stumping them with a tough one hee. please pardon the ones with messy/terrible handwriting, i was probably rushing as i'm taking down questions on the spot (watching TV) xD

here are the questions haha, how many can you answer?

happy (belated) birthday, singapore!

having been watched so many national day parades, every year i haven't really appreciated them much. this year i decided i should watch it properly, so i went to find the video so i can watch it in its entirety this time.

watching it really made me feel happy and proud and sad and patriotic all at once. this year there was no "moment of anguish", surprisingly, but they still showed a video clip of lee kuan yew...i wonder how he feels seeing his younger self every year. doesn't that make him feel old and sad that he isn't like how he was in his younger days?

also, even though the whole parade was super cheesy and happy and hyped up, i quite like it that they focus on modern-day scenes and the everyday singaporeans. so many people were featured this time, and it's all the things that make us singapore. so happy haha. and even merlion was featured, it/he got to "swim over" and join the parade haha! so creative ^^"

and of course  the NDP theme song one singapore, which i just bashed about a few posts ago was featured. now i know why the song was like that...the entire NDP was going to be like that, so the song was just a forewarning for us lol. it's ok la, still not nicely produced and off-tune and off-beat and all, but it showcases everyone and the heartlanders. feels heartwarming ^^

the fireworks looked pretty nice too, even though nothing spectacularly special. the gold and blue ones were my favourites! cal colours hee. and i like those heart-shaped ones too, though they look kindof lop-sided, not sure if they looked better from down-up. hmm and the interesting semi-american/british/australian dunno what mixed with singaporean accent that our english newscasters speak with can be heard as the commentators speak in the video. that, is definitely uniquely singapore xD

You can go and watch the video below, it's 2 hours 45 min long but you can skip around haha. the fireworks start sometime at 2hour 30min if you're only interested in that, the evening entertainment sometime around 1hour 30min i think?

Anyway the video will open in the same window, so please right-click and choose open in new tab/window if you want to stay on my blog page :D
http://video.xin.msn.com/watch/video/national-day-parade-2013/2gmphsg4g

so excited!

Ahh so excited! Rainie has a new album coming out August 23rd! Excited to hear what new songs she’s bringing us this time ^^ the theme is about angels and the wings of an angel 天使之翼, just my idea of an angelic rainie!

She really is a 百变天后, she changes her style for every single album, always full of surprises for us hee. This time she got her hair dyed orangeish and it’s still short, but she is dressed as both white and black angels. She’s got such a thin and sculpted waist, a dancer’s body indeed ^^ she apparently trains for 3 hours everyday to get her figure, no wonder…I definitely don’t have that kind of determination or patience!

Here’s her new song that’s alrd been released on radio (heard it on 93.3, which was how I found out she has a new album coming out! Yay this time I’m not going to miss out on her new album haha):

Interestingly, in her recent albums she has both implied and explicit insinuations about gay/lesbian love. Like in her 6^th album, the song 晒焦的一双耳朵 shows her falling in love with a girl friend but the relationship probably didn’t work out or something because the boyfriend was there/because of societal pressures. The whole song was just full of lesbian nuances and hints at the relationship.

Then in her 7^th album, the 微型电影 for 想幸福的人 very explicitly shows her lesbian/ bi-sexual relationships and yes there were kisses and all! Very clearly lesbians and bisexuals are being brought in here as people, not to be judged solely on their sexual orientation.

Then finally in her 8^th album, the teaser trailers show love in the midst of, or perhaps in spite, of destruction. It shows first a heterosexual couple kissing across a chain-link fence with a soldier beating the guy, trying to break them up, then a pair of guys kissing while the supermarket was being robbed, and lastly a pair of young girls kissing while a bull-dozer bulldozes its way through mortar and stone. It shows the beauty and perserverence of the many types of love shining through war, crime and destruction...

This album photos/MV were taken in Berlin, Germany so I’m really excited about the results! Seems very European/Western style this time hee.

Hmm and the long weekend is coming up tomorrow, I pretty much already have plans for everyday T.T yb is coming to singapore on national day! So have to bring her around a bit, then there are also many meet-up plans and karaoke plans so this weekend is packeddd.

Also, zouk mambo jambo is being brought back for just one night on 8 August, National Day edition. I’m totally going, so excited about mambo alrd! In fact, I just went for a national day dinner/ performance at bukit panjang yesterday with my parents, and the first performance was by the People’s Association Mambo class! So cool right, they mambo-ed to all kinds of modern songs (katy perry,taylor swift etc) and even to national day songs! Hopefully my thumb injury isn’t going to hurt too much, I’m going to mambo the best I can with it  ^^

Ah yes here’s an updated photo of the base of my thumb:

it’s healing cleanly, though I’m not sure how (and how long before) the gaps at the top and edges are going to close up/disappear. Please heal well soon, I want to play tennis and go bowling and do a myriad of other activities that require a healthy right hand!

scarred for life

just went to see the doctor to get my dressing changed, seems like the glue wasn't a good idea. should have done stitches instead, bcos glue is only effective if the wound doesn't move, like on the face.

the top edge of my wound came out of the glue, so the doctor says i will have a scar. we all blame the 24-hour clinic that doesn't have local anesthesia of all things! should be better equipped considering it's 24 hours huh!

oh well, got one day mc for today, enjoying my time at home for now hee.

now i'll have to do my own cleaning and dressing everyday bleh. maybe i'll take a photo later so we can see how it looks now. hmm and the wound is kindof itchy, and has stopped bleeding so that's good! :D

update 30 July 2013 night: here are the photos of the wound 3 days after the incident. sorry for bad lighting and/or angle.

disclaimer: not a pretty sight. please ignore/avert eyes if wounds/blood make you feel uncomfy.

the rest of you brave souls, forge ahead by scrolling down...

stupid me

i just did something really stupid ytd...i used my hand to try and stop my bike (and me) which were going down a slope too fast. of course i ended up with a pretty deep laceration on my right hand (in the fleshy and webby part between my thumb and forefinger), so here's what happened:

i really wanted to practise some cycling before i go back bcos i probably need to cycle to school quite often in the future, so i jumped at the suggestion of a night cycling trip with smsa ppl! unfortunately it just rained so it was wet and slippery, and i haven't cycled for quite a while, and i suck at controlling the bike when i'm going slowly :(

plus i was tired from going out almost every night, so i guess i wasn't in full form to think clearly, so when they wanted to cycle from pasir ris to changi village, i was like ok! unfortunately that trail is a lot harder and dangerous than the flat stuff at ecp!! should have just stuck to cycling in ecp :/

then when we got to this sharp turn i slowed down quite a bit but i didn't notice the slope after. when i finally saw it i was like ah whatever i'm slow enough now to make it. too late did i realise that the slope was steeper than i thought, and i turned right too much so my bike went into the green railing on the right. i couldn't reach my right bike handle and my right hand couldn't do anything, so in my panic i did the first thing that came to mind: grab the railing and stop!!

if i were a pro-er biker, i would simply turn with my left hand to get back to center then brake with my right hand, but since i was panicking about my bike handle going through on the railing on the right (and obviously i couldn't brake with my right brake), i simply reached out my hand to the railing to stop the bike and me from moving. it didn't work for a second so i grabbed again harder.

of course my hand hit the vertical part of the railing and bike + me stopped. i felt pain but didn't think much about it, thinking it was just a bruise. the bike front handle turned backwards, so after checking the bike was ok, i turned it round and moved it center before cycling on. then i noticed my entire right hand was covered in bright red. for a moment i was surprised and wondering where this came from. then my 2nd thought was that i need to clean up quickly so that i was not slowing the rest down.

unfortunately, it was a pretty deep laceration and was bleeding profusely (yes i actually have the occasion to use this phrase on myself T.T...) and i was like wow how could blood look so bright and red! it's just like tomato sauce, and to think i always thought using ketchup as fake blood was totally off!

anw i was so fortunate to be with a bunch of awesome ppl! all the other ppl were so worried and thanks jh for having plenty of wet wipes, tissues and hand sanitizer on hand! thanks h.e. for helping me wash and cleanup the blood (both on my hand and the bike), and for putting my plaster on! ( thank goodness i always bring plasters along, in case of blisters or injuries ^^)

anyhow i was really scared by the blood, bcos i was nv comfortable with it and i always felt some fear esp with large amts of blood (from myself no less!). that's why i could nv be a doctor haha. aaand i totally dirtied my favorite white shorts with blood from my hand and the bike, so it looked like i just had a leak from a period (obviously not the case) and/or had been attacked by someone with a knife.

thanks j and yl for cycling all the way back to return the bikes and then drive over, and thanks yl especially for giving up his cycling and driving me to see the doctor, accompanying me the entire time, then sending me home!!

i felt really lucky and touched and happy, really glad that i had someone to tide me over the pain and blood. i nv really liked the doctor's, that's why. anw the doctor was literally digging in my wound with alcohol to clean it out (PAINNNN) for at least 3 changes of cotton swabs, then he said i needed 2 stitches.

my eyes literally popped out of my head! i knew it was a worse cut than i've had b4 (excepting the one i sustained at 2 that i totally don't rmb), but stitches mean baaad. and painnn. and more trouble after!

luckily (or not?) the doctor didn't have anymore local anesthesia  so we made do with skin glue to glue both edges of the wound together. the cut was pretty deep and gaping open with blood coming out, so it definitely needed to be closed up. i wonder how the doctor could do all this so calmly T.T

anw here's a picture of it after glue (it looks sooo much better glued up!):

the wound goes round to the other side between the thumb and 2nd finger, so it's painful and awkward for me to use my right hand now. sniffs. i also got a tetanus jab and antibiotics in case of infection, so the price tag got really high for all these :( esp the glue costs $80! and it was a 24-hour clinic (bcos it was 10+ by then and most clinics close 9 or 10pm) so the consultation fees increase at night-time to $40 T.T

anyhow i conclude doctors really can earn a lot, so it's well worth the time and money spent studying medicine...

hmm hence i am typing and texting with my left hand now, which were things i could always do but just slower than usual. though trying to brush teeth, use utensils and write with my left hand prove to be a lot more difficult. hopefully no writing is required of me until i can write decently with my right...

till then, let's hope it heals fast and leaves no scars! and i will definitely brake my way down any slope in the future, and stick to cycling at ecp...

NDP theme song 2013

here's the new NDP  theme song for this year:


it’s very different from the previous few NDP theme songs which were slow/emo, i guess that is necessary for such a large group singing. this time the song is special because it is being sung by 68 singaporeans from all ages and all walks of life, so it is a really down-to-earth thing and reaches out to the heartlands. the song is really upbeat and and fun, and can be sung by both the young and old. it's also pretty catchy the more you listen to it.

However it sounds pretty rowdy/disorganized in some ways, I feel they should have organized the choir better if possible. The singing is pretty spaced out and not united in some parts, and the music should be better produced! the drums sound too noisy, and make the song sound kindof cheapskate and stuff...

I think they should hire someone like Dr Mark Wilson from berkeley’s gospel chorus, who can make a bunch of strangers who can sing ok to a harmonious group that can sing wonderfully! i really enjoyed my experience singing gospel chorus with him, he's able to bring the best out of each of us and make us one voice.

I believe the singing in the NDP song was also slightly off from the drum beat, it sounds like the choir was singing too fast (by half a beat?) at the beginning of each verse. This makes it sound childish and not very professional or NDP-like :/

oh well, it's a good change to have lively and catchy music rather than just the usual slow emo patriotic songs, and anyone can just join in with the easy-to-catch lyrics and melody. It’s a song everyone can sing, which I guess was the aim of the song...

birthday girl

yes my birthday just passed! this year i'm very lucky to have not just one, or two, but three birthday surprises!!! all very successful ones too!

i'm really happy about getting these birthday surprises! the first one was very early on, just meeting up with friends close to another friend's birthday last month, then turned out two of the friends bought us a cake to share! really unexpected bcos it wasn't either of our birthdays yet, but they wanted to celebrate before they left the country. sooo at the end of the meal the waitress just brought it out all lit up and i thought it's for my friend who has her birthday first, so we sang it for her. ended up it was for me too hahaha! so happy! the cake was a pandan/kaya cake with cream and chocolate and stuff, from bread talk. not bad, it's pretty innovative xD

then my 2nd birthday surprise was really truly a HUGE surprise. i planned a birthday surprise with the rest for a friend's birthday during a karaoke session at 10 dollar club, so we pulled it off successfully, bringing in the cake and all that in the middle of the session. then another hour later one of them went outside and i was wondering why he took so long at the toilet. turned out he was lighting candles and bringing in MY CAKE! so we got two cakes that time, and the other friends actually planned my birthday surprise on top of the one i was planning for my friend!! so sneaky, they hijack another person's birthday to do this for me lol!!! but it's really the best surprise ever, bcos i was so occupied with planning one for my friend that i never once thought that i would get one too! i got a chocolate cake from prima deli, it was nice but pretty chocolatey.

then the third one was just ytd, had a meal with juniors and then one of them said she has to go do something. then the rest were like she's just being shy, she always says this when she needs to pass motion xD i was doubting their words, and wondering why they were teasing her like this, then she came back very quickly. turned out she went to tell the waiter to bring out the cake, and when the cake came i thought it wasn't for my table, bcos the juniors aren't that close to me, plus my birthday was one day past. then the waiter came over and i was really surprised! i got a chocolate cake with lots of fruits on top from some neighbourhood bakery in eunos hahaha. very rich chocolate...

hmm on my birthday itself i got a small piece of strawberry shortcake from four leaves from an intern friend at bosch. it's so nice of her, bcos we're not that close and she didn't have to get me a cake. but i was really happy, and it's my favorite birthday cake flavor i've had so far hahaha! it's got strawberry in every layer and esp in the bottom! so nice to have fruits ^^

it's really cool that i had so many birthday cakes in the past two months, and i believe this is my most celebrated birthday ever. also had more than 120 birthday wishes (both fb and in person/text) this time, so i'm pretty happy. feeling really loved this year :)

i've had a really busy birthday week, been going out every night and still have to work everyday. also made many new friends, so i'm really tired out by now. so glad it's finally the weekend! i can sleep in tmr hee ^^

hmm for my birthday, i'm wishing for love, health and peace for friends and family. hope they will come true :)

review about a book

hello! i've been on a book-reading spree ever since i came back for the summer. i realise that having a kindle fire kind of does that to you, and my book-reading habits from sec school days are all rushing back: i cannot stand waiting helplessly for buses and trains with nothing to do, so i used to bring a book around all the time so i could read while i wait. now i have a kindle fire, so i just load all my e-books on it and i can read on and on and on, and when i finish a book i can move straight on to the next xD

i am also reading a lot of YA novels nowadays, a lot easier on the mind and very fast to read haha. my friend recommended me john green's books, so i have been reading a lot of his books, though they are all similar in how they try to be inspiring to teenagers and encourage them to not be suicidal, and to see beyond themselves and see the bigger picture of a bright future ahead.

and what with the new social site goodreads.com, i have become pretty active in the reviewing books and finding books to read thing. here's a review i just did on a john green book i just read, an abundance of katherines. all that i want to say about it is essentially here haha:

Of all the John Green books I have read, I find this book the least inspiring and least “deep” in meaning, but it has characters that I can relate to the most. Colin and Hassan are definitely my favourite John Green protagonist characters thus far.

Ok so here’s what I liked about the book: I like the main character Colin and the way he thinks. I can totally relate to all his quirks, how he thinks and how he is semi-socially awkward. I think I am a little like him myself, liking to spout random bits of trivia that others may or may not find interesting, and making all kinds of connections that only I find interesting but others don’t. Fortunately, my friends are a lot more forgiving and humour me by pretending these things are interesting, so I’m not a social pariah (yet).

I especially like Hassan and his wittiness. His way of expressing friendship and interacting with Colin never fails to make me laugh (or at least smile), and I believe that is how guys their age really hang out and have fun. I also like the anagrams and the math theorem (which is something I have attempted doing for random other scenarios before, but usually I give up after 5 minutes just because I’m not so OCD about math). I also love the footnotes, snide comments and the horribly long sentences Colin used to describe each Katherine encounter in his story at the end (as you can probably tell from my excessive use of long run-on sentences in this review).

However (yes there’s always a however), I got annoyed with Colin’s whining and wallowing in misery about how he always gets dumped, then his single-mindedness in not getting dumped and trying to make himself matter. Clearly he does not understand the real problem are his insecurities and how just by thinking he is a failure, he is making himself one! I find him ungrateful and unappreciative of what he has: he is a very smart guy with great memory who has won so many competitions and has had 19 Katherines liking him (which must say something about his attractiveness and stuff). Seriously, being able to date 19 girls is a feat in itself, and all by the age of 18! (or probably 17, since he went to school a year early…)

Then again, this is a common insecurity of teenagers, and I too have gone through that phase of thinking myself a failure when I have much to be grateful for. It is only because I have grown up and gotten past all this that I was getting frustrated with Colin. Fortunately, Colin realizes it at the end of the book – that he matters to people who care about him, and that he does not always have to strive towards being a genius when he has a lot more to offer as himself. He sure has a lot to be grateful for; he has loving parents,  great friends and a bright future ahead.

Ok sorry about that, enough of the rant. Just because I like to whine in real life doesn’t mean I have to like reading about other people whine right? This book would probably annoy adults to no end, but might be intriguing enough for teenagers who are going through similar problems to those that the characters are going through. Either way, this book gets 4 stars because I love the characters to death, I love the way John Green wrote this book and I love the story, but just don’t like the excessive whining and dragginess of it all.

so...while writing this, i just treated it as writing a blog post about the book. i guess that's what i would have done before goodreads and facebook and all that came along. the many social media sites of today huh. but i still want to keep some of my thoughts here, especially this review that i find especially witty. just so that years down the road i will remember that OH YEAH i actually read john green, and this was how i felt! and make sure i don't make the same mistake of re-reading a book i thought i haven't read before (i just did that for sarah dessen, i read 'the truth about forever' thinking i haven't read it before, when it turns out i have and everything in the book just felt like deja vu haha).

psi 290

it's been a while since i got to experience haze in sg...this summer it's especially bad. the psi reading just went up to 290, which is a really unhealthy level (anything more than 100 is bad, more than 200 is unhealthy!)

the shocking thing is hearing my mum vehemently cursing the people who are causing the haze, and actually wanting them all to go and die. like that would solve the problem..the haze is already here to stay, and it's not just any one person's fault. let's just hope for some wind and rain, so the psi reading goes down...

and that the governments actually do something about this negative externality! like trying to tackle the root cause of the fires (slash and burn to clear land for agriculture and commercial purposes), and fine the companies in charge or something. make them improve their technology for land-clearing so they stop harming the people there and all around too!

i totally forgot about this haze thing (since it was nv that serious), and i really never thought much about it until this year. interestingly, people were like telling me are you glad to be back in sg, i would probably be happier in the us without this haze and all that. i was really shocked to hear that, it never crossed my mind though it's probably true in terms of the timing i'm back. but i really don't feel that upset, after all i'm back for my family, not so much about the air quality.

of course, it's bad that there's this haze, and i sincerely hope everyone's going to be fine and not suffer any lung problems or coughs bcos of this...i recall a reading from the archeology class i'm doing on coursera right now. there was this body (the ice man i think?) they were analyzing from hundreds/thousands of years back or something, and they found that his lungs were blackened from smoke, so probably back in those days they cooked food around fires all the time.

i was just wondering if the haze would do the same to us all, blackening our lungs bit by bit? or maybe i'm just exaggerating haha, but i'm just reminded of that reading.

ohh and i got so pissed off when the guy walking in front of me today was smoking a cigarette! like the haze wasn't bad enough, he had to smoke in front of me and argh. i just sped up and overtook him so i don't have to be taking in his second hand smoke...but because of that i think i breathed harder and took in more dust particles lol. i guess i should learnt to be more patient somehow...

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odd flight from sf to tokyo

not sure i want to take united again...i meet the oddest people on such flights!

on the 11hour+ flight from san francisco to tokyo on the way home, i encountered this mixed-race couple in their 50s, one black guy and white woman. i found them really interesting, they speak with some kindof southern accent, the lady sounded a little irritating with the drawl, just like in the movies.

the moment they discovered alcohol was free on the flight, they ordered at least 6 rounds of alcohol: two rounds of champagne, one round each of red wine, white wine, and several rounds of beer...i was surprised the flight attendants were so patient and kept bringing them bottle after bottle of wine and beer, just because they ask for it. isn't there some kind of limit so they won't get too drunk and get into trouble?

i was seated in the aisle, but they kept getting out of their seats and back in for restroom break (that's for drinking so much alcohol), for stretching, for walking around. the worst part is, they don't go together, they just take turns getting out and then getting back in!!

i was trying to sleep during the flight too, and i notice that i wake every hour on the dot because they need to get out, so in the end i was getting irritated. argh for sitting in the aisle.

not only that, they also get out to take stuff from the overhead compartment, and then need to spend ages packing their things WHILE in their seats, and elbow me constantly while i was sitting there erhem. i realised that i was squished to like 2/3 of my seat alrd, bcos the guy was like putting his arm all the way at my seat armrest, then i have to sleep slanted towards the aisle. sigh la. squished and not happy.

moreoever, they brought some dvd player and various dvds to watch, but they both wanted to watch (and they brought headphones, so only one person could listen at a time), so they plugged it out and watched the movie OUT LOUD, totally disturbing everyone la! fortunately there was no charger and their thing ran out of batt so they stopped. then the wife was so fidgety all the time, and so whiney at her age! she was whining about how the flight is 24 hours and it's taking forever and they have nothing to do, while the husband is saying they should just sleep and keep it down. of course the flight was only 11 hours but dunno why they thought it was 24 hours. anyway.

then they started arguing and kept getting louder and louder. the wife then kept chanting "sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep." while staring at him, then he got pissed and started scolding her for making a fuss and yelled at her to keep it down. oh what an irony, he was the one making the most noise by yelling actually. i gave up trying to sleep and started reading my book every time they started talking. it always ends up in an argument which ends with some alcohol and kisses and "honey". argh what an interesting yet irritating couple dynamics!!

of course they had no idea how to operate the lights and volume buttons and service buttons so i taught them. then they discovered that they could listen to music on the flight so they started to listen and humming, and singing, and just club dancing in their seats. like wth??? first time i saw people dancing to their music while seated! omg it made my seat shake all the time so i just ignored it and pretended like it was turbulence, but apparently they were kicking or moving the seats in front so the people in front, who were trying to sleep too, turned around and told them off a few times.

the wife also liked to open the windows whenever she liked/whenever she was bored, and start applauding. i have no idea why she was clapping, maybe it's bcos she saw nice clouds or something? or maybe it's the alcohol anw, but it just blinds everyone who was sleeping. argh i guess i'm just feeling irritated that my sleep kept getting interrupted by the two of them, esp since it's alrd quite hard for me to fall asleep when it's daytime in the us.

i thought sitting in the aisle should be a good experience since most ppl get out like twice in the whole flight, but this couple got out at least 10 times argh. they're like a completely clueless couple and definitely did not seem like a couple in their 50s. they felt like they had the right to make noise and disturb others without worry about other people...this was the most eventful but irritating flight i've ever had, and i sincerely hope i don't have such an experience again.

almost became a murderer

back from a trip to alaska...i had a truly great shock of my life on my drive up to denali national park.

i was driving on the highway at a pretty high speed when suddenly a moose strolled so nonchalantly across the highway. when i saw it, it was already in the middle of the road and i slowed down and swerved round it to give it more space. luckily it didn't charge, if not it could run very fast and get hit. 

our car probably would suffer some damage and injury too, the moose was a full-grown male with antlers and all. it takes up like 1.5 lanes on the highway and was really tall, like a horse! i remember very clearly seeing its big eyes staring at me while leisurely walking on across the road. 

this was the first time i got a close up look at moose, and i really got a heart attack from it! luckily i didn't crash into it...now i know better to scan further ahead on the highway to avoid roadkills >.>

there were really so many moose in alaska though. when i first touched down, on the way from the airport to the hostel, i saw a dead moose in the middle of the highway. some guy was standing in front of it and waving traffic around it, which is really dangerous for that guy since it was darkening and difficult for people to see. the taxi driver said it was a baby moose, even though it's pretty big and took up the entire lane. i was shocked to see such blatant roadkills in the middle of the road, but turns out it is a very common occurrence as they cross the roads all the time without care for cars.

in denali national park, when we were driving through on the park road, we also saw a baby moose trying to cross the road. we stopped and took some pictures of it, but it got nervous or something and turned back to graze on the grass. then we realised it's a baby moose so the mummy must be nearby, and lo and behold! the mummy moose was to our right. we all got shocked and quickly moved up a little, bcos i think we were making the mummy nervous, and she might want to charge at us!

on the chester park trail around downtown anchorage too, we saw a baby moose crossing right in front of us, except this time we're on foot and out in the open. fortunately it just ignored us and went for the grass. we couldn't find the mummy though, we just took some pictures and quickly walked by.

haha exciting tales in alaska. seems like it is a place full of wildlife and nature stuff, and hunting/gun use is very common and even necessary. a typical weekend consists of a family going fishing, or a father bringing his son to go hunting. 1 in 60 alaskans are also pilots, more than 6 times the average in the US! this is because alaska is much more accessible by plane than by car or anything else haha, and they can go fly somewhere to fish or hunt before returning. they are not allowed to hunt caribou within 24 hours of flying though, probably because it is too easy to kill wildlife while in the air, so people have to camp somewhere for 24 hours and hike to hunt animals.

i think it's a nice and relaxing/fun way of spending time here, but this is too much killing and meat for my liking. i prefer a city life, with veggie and no hunting/killing involved >.> seems like i'm all soft and like a typical city girl haha. oh well i'm fine with that, not cut out to be on survivor or lost anyway!

saying goodbye to undergrad life

yay last final of my undergrad life is finally over!! i'm so excited for graduation haha. i feel pretty sad about leaving berkeley though...it just hit me how wonderful it really is. just walking along the streets, there are so many different kinds of delicious food and cuisines that i didn't take enough advantage of - japanese, thai, korean, chinese, taiwanese, mexican, italian, western, greek, Mediterranean, and even has boba and my favourite froyo places. of course the boba can't compare to koi, and pinkberry is far away in SF (anywhere outside of 15 min of berkeley is considered far lol)...

the weather is also awesome. of course there are times when it's just foggy and cold and rainy and miserable, but this year has been great. barely any rain season this year, with some slight drizzles. finals week is beautiful and sunny out everyday, with the appropriate breezes to keep it cool and comfy all the time. sigh i sure will miss this nice weather...

with graduation, my parents will be coming over and i can bring them around berkeley and bay area! so fun haha. i'll then go to alaska for my graduation trip, and then returning home for an internship. of course, there's still more school to look forward to come fall, as i'll be embarking on my grad school life. hehe i'm excited to meet new people and learn more things, and delay a sad working career life  (and possibly find a rich and dashing boyfriend along the way).

on a side note before i forget, here are some memories i have of my wine-tasting decal and cantonese decal this semester. They were definitely the most fun classes I've done in a while (other than the Gospel chorus class, which was amazingly fun), and they definitely made my final semester more enjoyable and memorable haha.

Wine-Tasting History & Culture of Wine Decal

Got to bring home these two wine glasses at the end of the decal. we're supposed to just take one home each, but there were extras so i took another one. one smaller one for white wines (better for concentrating the smells), and a bigger one for red wines (better in terms of surface area and aerating the wine)

now i have legit wine glasses for drinking wines :)

the argentina wine i bought at trader joe's for an assignment. really refreshing and crisp, like a bright lemonade on a hot summer day

Cantonese Intermediate Decal

Here's the video of the final skit my group of four people did. I'm really proud of it because it's simply hilarious, and it was so much fun making the video. sorry for the amateurish acting and editing, i did it over like a few days, and video editing plus subtitles took over 20 hours for me. the acting was also filmed on two days, around over 6 hours, + writing the script took around 2 or 3 hours too. quite a bit of time-commitment for a pass/not pass class, but definitely fun!

happy for now

i feel really happy right now...just got back my business & ethics paper and i got an A for it! The comments were really good too, saying good structure, good research and that it's professional!

it's been a while since i last wrote a paper, and i have never written a research paper for a humanities class before. i've also heard bad stuff about how the paper really screwed up their grades, so i put in quite a bit of effort in it to make good arguments with a lot of research and stuff. i'm really happy that the graders like it after all!

u know with papers, it's always so hard to gauge and guess if people would like it. it's so subjective, and there were no drafts allowed for this paper. it was a one-off 10-page paper worth 35% of our grade, so i was really worried about whether the grader would like it. glad that it turned out well ^^

this really made my day, and now i'm all ready to chiong for the last final tomorrow :)

here's a song i didn't think much of at first, until i realised how impressive jess lee's vocals are, to sing so high so beautifully. and i got really freaked out by the mv, even though i know it's fake i couldn't imagine how the mv leading lady managed to endure all that!!!! >.>

the first white hair of my life

just discovered the first white hair of my life! it's pretty long too, must have been there for quite a while...i wonder when/how it came to be?

maybe it's from the the many stresses of college life/finals...

or maybe i'm really getting old T.T

here's a picture to commemorate the moment (in case it drops off/i can't find it anymore)

interesting thing i found out about my hair: it looks really brown under the sun or under light! (and nope i didn't dye it before...)

first white hair

a belated mother's day

i shouldn't be here...i should be studying for finals. it's my last 3 finals of my undergraduate life (yepp my final finals hehe),  but somehow i'm procrastinating and not wanting to study T.T

my parents are currently on a plane, embarking on an 18hour+ flight to the US. they will be spending a few days in the east coast with my brother, and they're going to toronto and going to visit the niagara falls, before flying over to the west coast for my graduation. i'm really excited for them to come, and i can show them my life here and how i have spent my past 3 years on my own. i'm also really excited for graduation and just relaxing/having fun...i'll be bound to a 3.5 month internship this summer, which will suck up my entire vacation at home >.>

anyway back to the main point of this post. it was mother's day yesterday, but i didn't get to wish my mum a happy mother's day personally. i was too busy studying and during a quick skype IM my dad was just saying oh you should study and let's not disturb you today. i didn't think twice about it, and i told my dad to wish my mum happy mother's day on my behalf.

this morning when i woke up, suddenly i was afraid i wouldn't get to say it to my mum, especially since she was going to board the plane to the US today. if anything happened to her, i know i will regret this to death, so i called her up just now and wished her a belated happy's mother day. she was really happy to talk to me and see me (we were doing a video call), and i was really happy too. now i feel recharged and ready to study for finals! (erhem i mean after finishing this blog post lol)

at least it's one thing off my mind for now, and i really wish that my parents have a great time for the week ahead. can't wait to see them, and can't wait for my finals to be over on wednesday! ok just 3 more days of mugging...i see the light at the end of the tunnel! gambatte!!!

Doing the Briggs-Myers personality test again

Hello!

It's been a looong while since I last posted here...but today I just did a Briggs-Myers personality test online (no thanks to my roommates). And guess what? my results are the same as before I came to university in J1 or J2!

I got INFJ, for more details click here (opens in new window).

When I first took the test in Sec 3, I got the same result of INFJ, but my Introvertedness was a lot higher, like 50+% preference over Extrovertedness. Interestingly in JC when I took the test again, I got INFJ but with a lower Introvertedness preference of around 22%. Now that I'm taking it again, I got a 22% preference of Introvertedness over Extrovertedness, so seems like I didn't exactly change that much on that aspect :)

I guess my personality is kind of fixed around INFJ for now, maybe after I start work things will change. Either way, I'm glad that I still got INFJ, so I don't need to bother remembering what my 2nd personality result is!

Some famous ppl who are also INFJ:
Mother Teresa (righttt....), Nicole Kidman!, Shirley Temple, etc

Suitable Career paths:
Literature & Writing, Humanities, Graphics Design, Archaeology, Anthropology, Social Services, Psychology, Counseling, Religious Education...

lol I'm supposed to be great at being an activist and matyr and all that, which totally doesn't fit me. Hmm...I guess it's too late to change career directions, but the only one I ever considered up there was Psychology.

If you guys are interested in doing the test to see what's your personality like, try it out here!

L.E.A.F. - Project E-Du-Waste

Since last September, I founded a project together with another 3 Singaporeans at Berkeley and participated in a grant-funding competition called Big Ideas @ Berkeley, which awards prize money to fund innovative ideas. We are now entering a video contest for a People's Choice Award as part of the competition, and winning the Award is based on purely YOUR votes, so every vote counts! Please vote for our video and help us pass the video link on to your friends. You can help us make this happen!

Click here to vote. (You'll need a Facebook account, and you need to allow access to the Contests app). Thank you very much!

Here's more information about our project and what we do:
L.E.A.F. (Leverage Environmental Education, Act for Future Generations) is founded to provide an innovative approach to address environmental issues that are not being addressed effectively. To achieve a long-term and effective impact, our team is focusing on education of children most affected by poverty caused by these environmental issues. We propose an initial approach in the form of an experiential camp. According to the performance of the camp and the response we receive from schools and students, the educational model can be delivered in other forms and incorporated in school curricula in the future.

LEAF’s educational model emphasizes the teaching of soft skills essential in the 21st Century through interactive methods. By providing hands-on and innovative lessons across disciplines like Art, Science and English, our team aims to raise students’ awareness of multiple perspectives to problems, and consequently to equip them with the ability to develop different viewpoints to any single issue. Students can develop better teamwork, communication and critical thinking skills, which allows them to assess and more effectively address the environmental problems and poverty around them. Eventually, our team aims to enable the students to higher education and better employment, helping them escape the poverty cycle.

Developed countries like the US, Europe and Japan have been continuously dumping E-waste to various parts of developing countries, thus straining the sustainability of the local environment and health of their residents. It is a severe poverty issue because E-waste recycling is usually carried out by poverty-stricken and socially marginalized groups who are forced to rummage through and handpick waste for survival. Thus L.E.A.F's first project E-Du-Waste targets Guiyu, China, which is the largest dumping ground of E-waste in the world. Current efforts to address this issue have been ineffective due to economic incentives associated with the thriving E-waste industry, and poor legislative enforcement in China.

Our team currently focuses on educating middle school students in Guiyu. In collaboration with environmental groups in Chinese universities and UC Berkeley students, we will organize a 5-day educational camp for each targeted school to equip the local students with critical thinking skills and insights on environmental issues. The camp comprises interactive education in the disciplines of English, Art, Film and Science, facilitated by college student volunteers in the relevant majors. At the end of the camp, participants will present their work to the public. Our team may produce publicity material based on the camp and make it available to E-waste recycling centers to raise public awareness.

The students, inspired by their interaction with the university students from China and the US, can be motivated to seek higher education and avoid harmful E-waste recycling jobs in the future. Based on our experience gained from the educational camp in Guiyu, we can further improve this model in the future to impact a larger audience more effectively. Our educational model can potentially be used by other advocate groups that are addressing similar politically sensitive issues. Please vote for our video and support us in our project!

whyyy

i can't believe i just rejected a research project. what in the world am i thinking??? so many students out there would die to have the offer for the project T.T it's under such a prestigious professor and at the cool science labs of lawrence berkeley labs, and it's on superconductors and has real-world applications! sigh.

i'm hoping to get another research project though, and this one i got offered would take up too much of my time and i have to travel up the hills to the labs, which would be really time consuming too. i don't really want to compromise my studies, especially since i'm alrd overloading and taking really hard classes that can only get harder from here on, and i still want to do tutoring and a lot of other stuff, and apply for internships and go for career fairs etc.

i feel really bad though, the scientist spent quite some time explaining the projects and bringing me around the labs. if only i had more time for me to decide, if he gave me till next week for me to confirm whether i got the other project, i would say yes. T.T

though he would be better off with another student who can commit more time and effort. T.T sigh. why i like that.

soprano

can't wait to watch this! i love the hunger games trilogy, if you haven't read it alrd you should! especially before the movie comes out hee, hopefully it won't be a letdown the way movies that come from books tend to be...


so far the trailer looks kindof different from my expectations, the setting looks a lot more modern than i imagined, but the entire cast looks better than i imagined so that's great haha. hair colours and eye colours are all right so i'm happy haha.

i got into gospel chorus class! it's a singing class that involves sightsinging and gospel music, and we get to perform on stage quite a few times as part of our grade! it required auditions and i was kindof sick and i thought i wouldn't get in because they had to cut more than 100 people from the auditions, but i made it! my singing wasn't as bad as i thought xD

anddddd i discovered i'm actually a soprano! soprano sounds so cool, like prima donna and first lady xD i got allocated to soprano 2, and i was like whoa. i always thought i was an alto xD seems like i can sing both! lalala i'm really excited about this class, first time i'm doing singing in a more formal setting, hope i'll get to learn a lot about gospel music and singing properly! it's been a while since i've done music, so hopefully i'm not -too- rusty, especially in reading music and stuff.

also, i was very touched by this song by demi lovato, "Skyscraper". Her singing style is so different in here, i could feel the pain in her voice and all that she had to go through to sing like that...my respect for her increased a thousandfold. i think she had an eating disorder and depression because of the pressure to look good in front of the camera. she has an awesome voice and i think she should focus on that instead though.

finals are finally over!

yay for the end of finals! can sing 解脱 now hahaha...

my math final was horrible T.T i hope i did ok enough to still get an A in the class...i got back my astro final though, i did super well so i'm like stunned. i didn't do that great on midterm 1, like the average was super high but my score was only around average T.T, then i did better on midterm 2, almost fullmarks (because of bonus question, it adds a lot like 4 marks if you get it right), then this time i got more than full marks! (because of bonus question again lol, it added 6 marks).

i'm super surprised, considering the exams only got harder, like midterm 2 was harder than midterm 1, then final was the hardest, but oddly i got higher and higher scores. oh well. i'm glad though. i liked that class, it would be a pity to mar any happy memories of it with an ugly grade T.T

as for physics...either A- or A hopefully. as for com lit and lgbt, i wonder...i'm hoping for lenient marking of my papers...i am really bad at writing papers. but at least i'm done with papers for the rest of my college life! woohoo!

all right, time to pack my notes and everything, and i'll be flying off to east coast for vacation in two days! hee.

music

anyway, it's my finals in like two days but i'm still stuck on youtube watching random music videos lol. i finally found out why people loved listening to english songs and all that. their voices are really good. however, their styles...too sexy, too trashy or too rocker/punk, but their voices are still really good. i can't imagine why they have to show off cleavage and dress skimpily in their mvs or even in their everyday lives...what a ploy to attract male buy-in. tsk tsk.

hmm so i guess that's the difference between asian singers and western singers. i guess i still prefer asian music, 比较单纯. i'll still add in some of the nicer english songs into my playlist though haha.

over a month ago i found out hebe has a new album, but i don't quite like most of the songs, not really my type of music. however, her one song 还是要幸福 made up for all of that! i was so amazed by the song, the lyrics are so touching and the music so 催泪...i guess it's the perfect song to sing when people break up >.>

田馥甄 - 还是要幸福

不确定就别亲吻
感情很容易毁了一个人
一个人若不够狠
爱淡了不离不弃多残忍

你留下来的垃圾
我一天一天总会丢完的
我甚至真心真意的祝福
永恒在你的身上先发生

你还是要幸福
你千万不要在招惹别人哭
所有错误从我这里落幕
别跟着我 铭心 刻骨

你还是要幸福
我才能确定我还得很清楚
确定自己再也不会占据你的篇幅
明天 开始 这一切都结束

还我钥匙的备份
我觉得再见可以很单纯
我甚至真心真意的祝福
永恒在你的身上先发生

你还是要幸福
你千万不要在招惹别人哭
所有错误从我这里落幕
别跟着我 铭心 刻骨

你还是要幸福
我才能确定我还得很清楚
确定自己再也不会占据你的篇幅
明天 开始 这一切都结束

你还是要幸福
你千万不要在招惹别人哭
所有错误从我这里落幕
别跟着我 铭心 刻骨

你如果很幸福
半夜的简讯我就不需回复
因为你的悲喜已经有了 容身之处
我也 能有
最纯粹的孤独 最孤独 的 孤独

good mood!

yay i finaled in a case competition (first final!) and i placed 3rd! isn't that amazing? and i didn't even put in half as much time/effort as i did last time...it was mostly the other two's hard work and ideas. i think ideas make a whole lot of difference between placing and not placing. also, i gained myself 250/3 = $83.33! not bad not bad haha.
Also, i got full marks for my 2nd keyword paper! that's amazingly crazy, because i suck at writing papers, but today is a good day after all. It started out horrible, but now it's great and i'm happy.
almost time for finals. almost time for iabc deliverable. last push/chionging and i'll be done! ^^

eventful week

This was a really eventful week.
I had 3 midterms in a 4-day week, and on the first day of my midterm, my laptop died. like right when i was going to study on my laptop for the midterm, i couldn't access all the materials in my com. T.T
then for the next two days i wasted quite a lot of time figuring out how to access all my online studying materials, troubleshoot the com, sending it for repair and all. in the end i just bought a new macbook pro yesterday, so here i am blogging.
Then we rented a zip car to drive to daly city on veteran's day, which is about 40 min away by car. we had a great buffet dinner, and i drove on the us highway proper for the first time! (the previous time was by accident so not counted lol)
then we went to target for grocery shopping and stuff, but when we're leaving, the zip car died. like engine couldn't start, cannot turn steering wheel, and the car just kept reversing out of the lot. in the end i parked the car, but it was stuck half-inside half-outside the lot, and imagine how scary that is, bcos cars can drive by and crash into our car! it was rainy and darkening some more!
luckily, our car was bright red so it was fine, and we're in the parking lot so cars drive slowly anyway. sigh. in the end we had to wait over 2 hours for the zip car roadside crew to come. they promised 30min to 60min wait, but the original crew truck broke down, so they had to call another repair company to come, so we ended up waiting miserably in the car. even though we're at emeryville, the shopping area, it was raining heavily and we couldn't lock the car, so we just decided to wait in the car T.T
in the end we spent quite an interesting time on the car lol.
yeah so here concludes my miserable week. i think my hands are accursed this week - whatever i touch seems to breakdown. first the laptop, then the car. T.T what was supposed to be a celebration/fun-filled weekend turned out to be a lot of time wasted :/

daylight savings and brownies

yay i'll be gaining one hour of time tomorrow! i'm not going to use it for sleep, but for studying for my midterms! ^^

November 6 is officially the greatest day of the year because as Daylight Saving Time ends, we actually gain an hour -- and who doesn't need more time?

luckily my roommate told me about it, if not i would have gone for everything an hour earlier than i needed to T.T

recently i find that i like baking and cooking quite a lot; mainly bcos i love eating xD it's great to make stuff i like to eat. also, baking/cooking doesn't require as much brainpower, and is a form of relaxation/recreation/enjoyment/fun for me. maybe even exercise, when i'm trying to mix a lot of stuff together, i exert more energy than i'll ever do sitting in front of a computer xD

most of all, i love the end-products! i baked some cookies last week, and then this week i wasn't planning to bake, but bcos my friend's birthday was coming up, i decided to bake for her birthday...

ghiradelli double chocolate brownies + random nuts i added + some secret ingredients i added xD

they taste great! hopefully she'll like it ^^

when someone gives up his seat for you

you know you're old when someone volunteers to give up his seat for you on the bus. haha nah the guy was giving it up to me only because i was carrying a lot of stuff, but no i didn't take it. he was way older than me and i didn't really need the seat, and now i remember NEVER to take 176 during peak hours. it's so hard to get on and i waited like 15 min for it T.T should have just taken the mrt and another bus bleh.

back in singapore for the summer. i have 3 main goals: learn swimming, practise driving and cooking. also, i have to look for sponsorships as the treasurer for smsa, and look for clients as director of consulting for iabc. furthermore, i have a lot of books i want to read, including the new jodi picoult book, the ender game series, case in point and the mckinsey book on team strategy. and i plan to watch a whole lot of drama including chuck, big bang theory, gossip girl, rainie's new show, some japanese dramas and anime.

and of course i have to catch up with all my friends and also incoming berkeley freshmen! haha seems like my summer is pretty packed already.
lastly, i want to spend more time with my family! so glad to take a break finally from all that studying xD

p.s. did you know hannah montana used video clips of berkeley campus as "stanford university"? how could they cheat young teenage kids like that! they'll be so disappointed to find out that stanford doesn't actually look like that!

the day (night) it kinda snowed in berkeley

It was the Friday night right before spring break in Berkeley . Most students have gone home for spring break, and they didn't know what they were missing out on.

It was pouring cats and dogs, and sometime during the night, it turned into a thunderstorm coupled with hail. Now while this was rare in Berkeley, it had happened before. A few hours later, we found out there was white stuff lining the grass and paths, ie. it was kinda snowing sometime during all that rain!!

Interestingly, this is supposed to be spring, but it's raining and is really cold, and it's more like winter weather than spring. why is it the seasons are always late in berkeley???

Snow lining the grass at my dorm.

Actually, the "snow" was more like "chunks of ice that came from hail", but still, it kinda looks like snow.

p.s. If you want to see more "snow" photos, go to my facebook page and look for the photo album with the same title as this blog post ^^