First Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day! It’s my first one, and I feel oddly excited about it, but at the same time anticlimactic as we’re not doing anything differently.

I just want to rest my poor aching body today 😅.

My lovely partner, gamely took care of baby in the morning so I get to sleep in and rest more. Thank you my love, that’s the best Mother’s Day gift I can get 😊.

Seeing baby’s smiles and giggles, that’s the other best gift I can get. And to think that I receive this gift every single day! He’s taken to pawing at my face, putting his fingers in my mouth (so I nibble on them, he always loves it and starts laughing really hard!), and also grabbing my cheeks and nose. I’m glad to be helping him practice his hand grasp motions and finger pincer skills 😂.

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Last night, I called home to wish my mom a happy Mother’s Day. I sent her orange flowers this year, which was different from the usual pink and purple pastel colors, just to switch things up haha. We ended up talking a lot about our shared experiences of raising a baby, and I felt like I am connecting with my mom in a way that I have never done before. It’s only because I am raising a child now, which had been her identity and focus most of her adult life, that we are getting closer and able to bond through our shared identity.

This is definitely an unexpected benefit, since I’ve previously been emotionally distant from my mom. She used to criticize or complain a lot, and had many negative things to say to whatever we do. I think she’s mellowed out as she got older, and became more open to positive affirmation and agreeing with us, making me feel like she’s turning towards my bid for connection (instead of turning away). I think my mom had been worried that I’ve decided to have a kid, but also glad that she can finally relate to me in a way that we just couldn’t before. I’ve arrived at the right life stage for her to understand and connect with me like peers.

I asked her questions about how I was as a baby, so we could see the similarities and differences with my baby. I didn’t have chunky thighs as a baby, so those must come from my partner. But same as my baby, I was also always curious and looking around, and I got my first teeth at 7-8 months! My baby is teething now and probably about to get his first tooth soon too (at 6.5 months)!

And I learned funny stories like for my first birthday, I stuck my fingers in the birthday cake so I could eat the cream. Apparently I was so fast my mom couldn’t even light the candles. Then after she lit the candles, I got scared of the flame, so I used my foot to kick the cake instead. Imagine baby me with hands, foot and face full of cream hahaha, it’s so funny and I can totally see my baby doing it as well! It’s wondrous to reminisce on these anecdotes together, and to look towards the future for my baby’s first birthday as well. I’m loving this 3-generation connection that’s bringing me and my mom closer together.

We also talked about how I always begged for toys but she didn’t get me any, because there’s already too many toys at home. But they’re my brother’s toys…so I used to bring 1-2 boy’s toys to school every day. Apparently this left such an impression on my kindergarten classmate that he remembered me 20 years later, as the girl who always brought boy’s toys to school!

Now that explains why I never had dolls growing up, why I’ve always felt deprived of affection as a child, and why I used to compare myself to my brother a lot. It’s because I was always getting his hand me downs, and my mom wouldn’t get me new clothes or toys that’s just for me. So I would feel like she favored my brother and not me. Now I know that’s not the case, it was just because of convenience and saving money! I am finally just realizing now that my mom wasn’t playing favorites after all.

This is helping me resolve some of my feelings / resentment towards my mom. I don’t agree with her methods, but I understand it now as something reasonable to her and how she thought was best for us. If I have a second kid, I’m going to make sure they get their own toys and clothes as well, or both kids get hand me downs from friends or fb marketplace. It’s only fair that way :)

Off to See the Beach!

Today we went to the beach with the baby for the first time. It’s his first time taking the bus, first time seeing many people, first time seeing the ocean and sand, and first time using the stroller! So many firsts for him in this one outing 😅.

It’s also a beautiful day today, which made it so nice to be out and about. Something about watching the waves roll in, seeing the birds soar and glide in formation, riding the wind, really made me feel so happy and whole. Seeing the kites fly through the blue sky, watching the sunset over the glistening water. Hearing the peaceful rhythmic sounds of the waves crashing and receding. These all calmed my senses and body, having not seen the ocean in at least a year. That’s the power of nature indeed!

Me and my husband had a wonderful time, and our baby was also on his best behavior, no fussiness or crying. We took turns carrying baby in the carrier, and then pushed him the stroller on flat surfaces, then back to carrier for the ride home. We even got to catch a mini concert by the beach! All of this made the day perfect 😍. 

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Gosh I’m soooo tired. I walked 20k steps today, a good portion of it carrying a 6 month old baby. It’s definitely not something I’d recommend doing unless you want to end up with sore muscles by the end of it. My legs, back, shoulders, arms, feet were suffering by the end of the day…but it was all worth it.

I’m excited to continue doing outings like this regularly, to keep things fresh and fun! Honestly, it felt like date night when I got to go out to fun places or try new restaurants with my husband, bringing the baby along. It’s the best kind of family outing that oddly also feels like I’m going on a date with my partner! I felt lots of happy love hormones like serotonin and oxytocin on today’s outing, which is great 😊.

Now that I know this, it’s easy to arrange dates - just bring the baby! We get two benefits at once - getting to bond with my partner through the challenges of bringing baby out and having fun through it all, while letting baby experience more of the world and see fun things too. Win-win situation, and no babysitter needed!

Cool Things

Before I forget, let me document this. Some cool things I observed today:

- Baby pushed the playpen from the inside using his arms, legs and body weight. He was pushing hard, mashing his face up against the mesh on the sides of the playpen (sooo cute), just so he can get closer to mummy / the console and try to get out. As a result of about 10min of pushing, the playpen moved a whole foot!! It’s no easy feat even for adults to push the equivalent of their own weight plus the playpen and toys from the inside (without jumping)!

- He drank from a straw cup for the first time, and after about 2-3 tries he’s sucked up milk and swallowed on his own without help from me at all! He’s learned to drink from a straw just like that 🤯. For all that I’ve heard about how it could take a few days and how hard it can be…my baby made my life so easy.

-  He reached up to grab the little white basket of washcloths and socks on top of couch, so he could chew on them. He ended up standing on the couch trying to reach them, with some support from the back of the couch! Amazing!

- He tried Greek yogurt for the first time, didn’t like it as much and made a funny face since it wasn’t sweet. But he ate it all and tried to eat the bowl. He had fun grabbing yogurt in his fingers and playing with it. What a fun mess it was! I ended up licking my own fingers with yogurt too, it’s so much fun eating messily with a child 😂.

- He also tried blueberries for the first time, cooked and mashed into a juice / puree. He loved it, must be how sweet it was and a nice texture too! I mixed some in with the yogurt so he could enjoy it more.

- I trimmed off a little of his baby hair around his ears for the first time and saved a lock of his hair. Any ideas on what to do with this hair lock?

ma ma

He said ma ma for the first time yesterday! To be fair, it’s not conscious talking, so I won’t count it as first words yet. He has been babbling a lot and trying out new sounds in his mouth and how it feels. So far he’s been saying buh buh, ba ba and da da, sometimes guh guh. More commonly, he is blowing raspberries and making bubbles with his drool and mouth. So fun! I love making the sounds back to him, it’s almost like vocal warmup exercises babbling like a baby 😆. He’s also really cute when he babbles, it makes me laugh and my heart melts, my spirits soar. What a little cutie!

Anyway, when he says da da, I would say, “Well that’s calling for daddy and not mummy, so daddy should go get you” 😅. Then I proceed to say “ma ma” a few times to him…

And yesterday he said ma ma instead!! Wow what a surprise, he’s learning so fast! 

I’m also making a spreadsheet to start planning and tracking solids for baby. People asked me what I’m going to do first when I quit, and I’m like focus on introducing solids for the next 6 months! I’m reading a book about it and learning that there’s a magical window from 6-12 months where babies will try all sorts of new foods; they will reject trying new things after 1 year old. So good to know! I’ve gotta get my baby on the foodie bandwagon hehe 😉  

I also want to take him on more trips, to go see the beach, go hiking, and maybe even an overnight trip somewhere! The possibilities are endless now that he can sit up and use the baby high chair at restaurants :) We shall see.

See the World through Your Eyes

I’m here to document a few small things I’ve observed with my baby, and reflect on the experiences for myself. He’s been growing so fast physically and mentally -- it almost feels exponential these first few months!

I never knew babies have such huge developmental leaps, and it’s fascinating to observe each and every one of them as they occur. It’s incredible to watch a living being change so much from day to day, sometimes hour to hour. 

I guess if I had raised a pet from birth, I might have had some idea of how it could be like. I had this thought the other day, that I kind of wished I was an older sibling, so I could see how a younger sibling would be like as a baby, watch my mom change diapers, raise a baby, and get a sense of these milestones. Instead, I’m just wholly unprepared for this role as a mother.

Good thing that I learn fast. I never liked change or being forced to learn things constantly, but this experience has been making me feel more comfortable being uncomfortable. To figure things out as I go, through trial and error, and not hold any real expectations. To explore the world via experimentation like a baby does.

I mimic what he does sometimes, lie on the floor to look at him from his eye level, and look at the sky outside the window and marvel at the passing clouds. I talk to him about the birds on the power lines and what they’re doing. I talk about the ceiling and walls and the cool things around the house that I’m noticing for the first time from this angle, because I’m being present with my baby and checking things out with him from a different perspective.

It’s fascinating and eye opening, and truly wonderful living life this way. I feel like I’m thriving in a way I couldn’t imagine before. I feel like I had been living life in a monotone world of routine and screens and stress and expectations before, and now the world has burst into multicolor experiences!

He’s gone through a few cool milestones, like discovering that he really loves the taste of banana over other solids we’ve introduced (must be the sweet taste!). He also randomly pulled himself up into standing for a whole minute just so he could reach and chew on the hanging handles. I was so impressed and surprised, shocked even. I am still reeling from that experience, marveling at how fast babies figure things out on their own. All he did was try whatever works to reach what he wanted, with no help needed from any adults. If only we adults can be as self sufficient and persistent in life!

I’m looking forward to more fun discovery and experiences with you, my little one :)

Unconditional Love

Every morning I wake up to this: initial crying yells of frustration, then whining that escalates to wailing, that escalate to uncontrollable sobs and cries. My heart aches for him.

But I also receive this wonderful gift everyday: those large eyes of unwavering adoration, full of unconditional love and affection, arms outstretched reaching for mummy. His smile, so wide that it shows his cute toothless gums. Sometimes a giggle. Sometimes a squeal. Sometimes a lopsided grin that he does, taking after daddy.

I’m very lucky to have this little baby in my life. It makes me soo happy to catch these glimpses of lovely moments with him everyday. It’s even more mind-boggling that this little kiddo truly loves me unconditionally. I’ve never been loved this way before, not by my family, and not even by my husband, who doesn’t show such unfettered displays of affection often.

I receive this beautiful love everyday, multiple times a day when my baby turns to look for me, and giggles at me. Every time he reaches for me, looking at me with so much love, my heart melts. How could I say no to this?

My heart is full of love for him, growing stronger everyday as I gaze at his peaceful sleeping face, look upon his adoring eyes, watch him play in contentment, and even when he cries and screams in frustration. Now I understand why mothers throw themselves in harm’s way to save their children. It is so wondrous that I can feel the same way now. 

Is this biology? Hormones? Or something else? I never knew I could feel this way. This is a gift of magical proportions, like a miracle.

Is this what it feels like to feel high on love?

I didn’t know that this is what it’s like to become a mom. For some reason, when people asked me why I wanted to have kids, I never fathomed unconditional love. I’ve always thought of it as the next big experience of life I wanted to go through, to experience leveling up of emotions, maturity and understanding of the world. All of it came to be true, but at a scale and depth that I could never have imagined. 

Now I understand why people want to have kids to feel loved or to heal their own childhood traumas. This is definitely an unexpected benefit of having a kid for me. I’m rewriting my own childhood resentments with this new experience of being a parent. 

So thank you, my little one. You are healing me with every smile, giggle and cuddle. It’s such a gift to experience you everyday.

I love you, my baby. You truly fill my days with joy and wonder.

A Sweet Memory

When I was little, maybe 6 or 7, I remember going on an overnight trip somewhere. It could have been when I was still in Hong Kong, or traveling somewhere in Mainland China, but for some reason I was at a nice big Chinese dinner with my school friends and somehow my mom wasn’t there.

She could have been there too, but I didn’t remember seeing her. Then I had to go to sleep early because I’m younger. My brother’s schoolmate who was 12 years old at the time and seemed so sisterly and much older, was the one who offered to take me up to my hotel room and put me to sleep.

She gave me a beautiful gift of Chinese wooden bookmarks, she sang to me, patted me slowly, and tucked me into bed. The room was dark. I remember feeling so comfortable, warm, soothed and loved, listening to her singing, seeing her dim outline as she patted me while sitting on the bed, until I fell asleep.

That’s the end of the memory, I don’t remember her face. I don’t know who she is or how she came to be there, but I remember she had long dark hair, and her name was Prudence. My mom didn’t sing and pat me to sleep when I was little (or if she did, it must have been before age 4 since I have no recollection of it). So this feeling of being put to sleep so lovingly and gently, was extra wonderful. I felt so soothed and loved, in a way that I haven’t felt before.

In hindsight, I must have been really deprived of affection as a kid. I didn’t know what I needed was to have someone comfort me like that, and even now as an adult, I crave positive affirmation and appreciation from others. I seek external validation, which makes it hard for me to accept negative words, criticism or feedback. 

Now, when my baby cries and gets fussy, I rock and pat and sing him to sleep. I don’t think anymore about how upsetting or frustrating it is to have to hold him and rock him for so long. I don’t think about how I wish he could be a good baby, the way my parents’ generation always say.

Instead, I think back to that warm memory, suffused with love and comfort, when I was being soothed in a strange and unknown place, in a dark hotel room, falling asleep. And I want to give that wonderful feeling to my baby, every single day. 

I want him to know that it’s ok to feel frustrated and sad and overwhelmed and tired and cry, as Mummy is here to love you and rock you to sleep. I will always be here to hug you and make you feel ok again, so that when you’re older, you will feel empowered and strong enough to go tackle the world head on. So that you won’t feel deprived of affection and seek validation from others. Because you’re well loved with all my heart.

Becoming the Best Version of Me

Ever since becoming a mom, I have been learning to be patient. Impatience has always been a weakness of mine, but now I want to change that. I spend a lot of time watching my kiddo strive, fail and try again. I see him growing so fast, learning and improving every single day, which makes me want to strive and improve myself too. I want to become the best version of me, for him.

What does this best version of me mean, you ask? I think it’s being calmer, patient and more understanding of others, especially when they cannot communicate through words. It’s learning to self-soothe and regulate my emotions, the way I would soothe him when he’s upset. It’s learning to give myself grace, and being more forgiving of myself, because if I’m doing that for my little one, why not for me too? 

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am unleashing my inner child, letting the child live and thrive, fulfilling my childhood desires and deprivations through my experience of being a parent. I can finally be who I really am, who I want to be, without judgment. I can sing and dance with no qualms, because it’s just my baby watching me, and we are both enjoying it! It doesn’t matter how badly I botch things, as long as it makes him laugh. In fact, the more I botch things, the more interesting it is for him 😅.

I am seeing my child go through the same experiences I must have had as a kid, though unfortunately I didn’t get the affirmation I needed. Now, as I encourage and support him, affirming him and doing what’s best for him, it’s reminding me to also forgive myself and to do what’s best for my inner child too.

As a new parent, I’m always under a lot of stress with sleep deprivation and a lot of other frustrating situations. However, I know my baby is watching and learning, so it makes me want to be a better version of myself, so that my baby can learn the right ways to handle situations, and be proud of me in the future as well. He’s making me want to do better and BE better each day, and to give myself grace when I slip up.

My baby is teaching me that life is not a race. A baby’s time is on his own terms. He has no concept of what is quick or slow, what is good or not. All he’s doing is explore the world through trial and error, experience it for what it is, and being present in every single moment. My baby is not thinking, “oh I failed, so I’m giving up!”. He’s not having any of the emotional or mental or societal baggage that we live with throughout our lives.

Watching him makes me realize that I should have his mindset too. I need to learn to be more present in the moment and not be overthinking things. In fact, the process of learning and growing and living life is exactly what a baby does best. He’s truly the best teacher and therapist I can have 😅.

My baby is teaching me how to treasure every moment for what it is because once it’s past, you’ll never have it back again. 

The Little Delights

Ever since I had a baby, I’m slowly rediscovering my inner child in ways that I’ve long since forgotten. I didn’t realize how I’ve become a boring old adult over the last 20 years, and that my happy innocent ways as a child were shut down too early by my parents, teachers and society. This happened as young as when I was 7 or 8, as I could remember being scolded by a teacher for smiling too much, and by my dad for talking too much. I think they were worried I would not be taken seriously or get a job if I’m always such a chatterbox and being silly. 

But that’s what kids do, don’t they? As we grow older, we can learn to code switch - interchange between play and being serious, and we don’t have to be forced to act like adults when what we needed was to play as a kid!

I ended up confining my silly tendencies to my room and the bathroom. I used to make up imaginary stories about dinosaurs, princesses, kidnapping and saving them from gangsters, and I would act them out.  

I used to imagine I was a singer and celebrity like Rainie Yang or Cyndi Wang, and sang and danced in front of a mirror. I would practice those songs and dances (like kids do on TikTok these days), but showed them to no one but myself in the mirror. 

Now, I can finally unleash my inner child again. Recently, I’ve been singing a lot to my baby, and there’s no one to judge or laugh at me for singing random songs or acting silly. My college roommates used to joke that I was hosting yet another concert in the shower, as I would sing in the shower every day and felt so self-conscious about it. I stopped singing in the shower for a few years after that.

Now, I have a captive and rapt audience! My baby is so fascinated and happy when I sing, no matter how off tune I may be. I can make up lyrics to tunes that I barely remember, use singlish or chinglish whenever I wanted to - who cares what the actual song was like? Sometimes I compose songs and just hum and sing with made up lyrics, and I was shocked to realize I haven’t done that since I was 12! 

I danced while holding him and he was laughing and waving his arms so happily 😊😊. I was folding laundry and I started dancing with the clothes, and he was soo fascinated by it. This is making me very happy, to reconnect with my inner child and say that this is ok, no one is there to judge you, and in fact this is a fun way to engage with my baby! 

All my so-called weaknesses as a kid have become my strengths in being a mom. I’m so glad. My baby has become my therapist in that sense 😅, and giving me an outlet to release my creative tendencies again. I’ve started to pick up my old guitar so I can serenade my baby, singing while re-learning the guitar. This is another way of feeling more like myself, by doing things I enjoyed doing long before I had a baby.

I spend time reading next to my baby, and use funny voices to act out the voice lines. I used to mime and act in drama club as a kid, and using these funny voices really brought me back to those days when I could be free and creative. Now I’m reliving my carefree days again, and it’s giving both me and my baby so much joy and happiness.

I am grateful that I have not lost my child at heart. I hope that I can continue to cherish and remember the little delights in life, and not become a boring old mom that my kids end up resenting in the future…

First Times

Here’s a list of firsts with my little one (as of 4 months old):

• First smile 
• First coos, gurgles, giggles
• First shout
• First fart directly in my face! (got the full methane-blasting-up-my-nose experience 😂)
• First pee, poop, spit ups on me
• First sleep through night
• First rollovers and pre crawls

Can’t wait to experience more firsts with my baby!

How to Be a Great Parent (Person?)

Here's a great (but wordy) article I read about how to respect your child when you disagree, teach them empathy and problem solving skills. Summary is that kids want to make things work with us, they haven't build up the skills to listen, understand our perspectives, and come up with solutions. So they just say "No!" and throw a tantrum. We need to teach them these skills, or they'll turn out to think that only with power can they make other people do what they want (instead of influence, problem solving, and other emotionally intelligent skills).

As I read this, I realised it totally works for us adults too - how we can use the same exact words and skills with our coworkers, our partners, our parents...guess we still act like a child sometimes when it comes to getting what we want. I'm going to try practicing these skills more!

https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2019/02/fantastic-parent/

Here are the important points for me from the article, that I'll likely refer to over and over:

Step 1: Empathy 

The Empathy step involves gathering information from your child to understand his concern or perspective about a given unsolved problem.

“I’ve noticed that…” + (problem) + “What’s up?”

E.g., “I’ve noticed we’ve been having some difficulty when it’s time to do your homework. What’s up?”

Be calm and gentle. This isn’t an argument or an interrogation. That said, we do need an answer. And most kids will respond with the dreaded, “I don’t know” or silence. That’s okay. Frankly, the kid probably doesn’t know. They probably haven’t thought that much about it. It’s okay. Be patient. Ask questions. Encourage them to talk. Get them to clarify.

And try to find out why this problem occurs at homework time and not during other moments. Beyond that, the important thing to do is shut your big adult mouth. Do not rush to give your side of things or to solve the problem for them.

Step 2: Define The Problem

The “Defining the problem” step is when your needs enter into the equation.

“The thing is…” + (communicate your concerns about the problem)

Calm and gentle. Avoid the word “you” because it’s going to sound like an accusation. Stick to the word “I” and talk about your feelings. This teaches them to think about other people’s perspectives. 

Do both of you understand where the other is coming from? Can you both summarize the other’s position to their satisfaction? Awesome. Let’s build some more skills.

Step 3: The Invitation

Don't solve the problem for them!!

“I wonder if there’s a way we can…” + (address kid’s concern) + “but that still makes sure to” + (address your concern) +“Do you have any ideas?”

This teaches them to take other people’s feelings into consideration when problem-solving — which is a much better lesson than blind obedience to unilateral demands. Giving them first crack at suggesting the solution doesn’t just improve their empathy and problem-solving muscles, it also lets them know you’re interested in their ideas.

Step 3.5: Follow-Up (I created this title as a separation haha)

In order to work, any solution has to include two elements:

1. It has to be realistic. The kid has to actually be able to follow through.
2. It has to be mutually satisfactory. It must solve the concerns of both parties.

For the record, kids are terrible at both of these. That’s understandable, these are skills to be learned. So let’s start teaching — but not by lecturing. Children will offer solutions that solve their problem but not yours. Don’t say, “That’s a terrible idea.” There are no bad solutions here, only ones that aren’t realistic or mutually satisfactory.

“Well, that’s an idea, and I know that idea would address your concern, but I don’t think it would address my concern. Let’s see if we can come up with an idea that will work for both of us.” 

And let them try again. They’re learning to think about others’ feelings and make a plan before they behave. And when they come up with something realistic that works for both of you, you’re done for now. They’ll be more likely to follow through because it’s their solution.

You’ll know you’re making progress when the kid starts following through on their plan without reminders or help. Until then, they might screw up. No problem. Ask them how you can improve the solution so it’s more realistic or more mutually satisfying. In fact, it’s good if you both acknowledge that the first solution may not work, but that you’re both trying in good faith. Often neither of you will know if it’s truly realistic or mutually satisfactory until it’s been tried.

Acknowledging that durable solutions are refined with time reduces conflict. So don’t expect immediate miracles. Just the fact that you both showed empathy and listened will bring you closer together than shouting and orders.

How to be a good parent

I’ve been collecting all sorts of articles and books on how to raise emotionally intelligent kids, how to be good parents, how to help children succeed etc. I haven’t really posted any of them so I thought I’d do something different today and post some, especially since I have more friends who are having babies now or thinking about having babies.

I was brought up in a traditional asian household with what John Gottman would call “disapproving parents”, who disapproved of negative emotions and curbed any expression of emotions from us. I definitely want to be a better parent and raise my kids differently from the way I was brought up, especially since I’m so lucky to have access to all these amazing books and advice out there. I’m surprised to see that John Gottman did research not just on successful relationships and how to make them last, but also looked at parenting and how to raise kids with emotional intelligence! This is absolutely wonderful, he’s my new Esther Perel 😍.

I hope these articles are a good start for you, and let me know your thoughts!

How to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids according to John Gottman - https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2018/09/emotionally-intelligent-kids/

How to be a Better Parent according to Adam Grant - https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2016/01/how-to-be-a-better-parent-2

Being a better parent

Here's an article on how to answer children's questions without deceiving them, I think it's really helpful! Especially since I'll need to figure out how to say these in Chinese hahaha -
I want to make sure my kids speak Chinese at home, so I'll lead by example!

https://brightside.me/inspiration-family-and-kids/11-correct-answers-to-childrens-questions-that-always-stump-parents-330960/?utm_source=fb_brightside&utm_medium=fb_organic&utm_campaign=fb_gr_brightside

It reminds me of that time as a kid I pointed at a dwarf lady (who was around my height back then) and asked my mum super loudly, "为什么她那么矮?" The lady got super angry and started scolding me, saying "你怎么这么没有家教!"

I was so shocked and hurt by her scolding I started crying because I didn't like to be scolded (I still don't), and I figured I must have done something wrong. I was feeling traumatized for a long while after that, and till today I'll always remember that incident. Now I know how my mum should have taught me preemptively so I wouldn't have gotten scolded lol. And now I know I hurt that lady badly with my innocent question, which is why she retaliated with hurting me instead. As an adult, I'll have to learn to be more open to criticism and to innocent (but true) questions like that, so I won't be hurting kids, but rather educating them to be empathetic and kinder in their interactions.

Also, wherever you are lady, I'm sorry :( Please forgive a young child's thoughtlessness, and I hope you are living a happy life now.

P.S. I guess only kids will point out things that look different or don't make sense, which is why the truth actually gets revealed in the Emperor's New Clothes!